Now For My Next Anticlimactic Trick!

Well. Well. Well.

How VERY interesting. It appears that you have children from the ages of...

(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)

two weeks to eighteen years old!

How very...broad of you, Internet. Despite my efforts to be useful and applicable in my writing and all market research-y I have basically learned that your children are in fact, um, minors. So, yes. Very good then. Okay. Where were we?

*shuffles papers*

Let's skip ahead to our next topic! For those of you that can relate. The rest of you can browse the gift shop. You can never have enough Precious Moments figurines, no?

• How and at what age do you explain sex to your kids?

I'll be honest. I'll be zero help on this one, because this is the conversation I had with Savannah yesterday in the car.

Her: "Mommy, what were you saying to Daddy about that girl you once knew?"

Me: "What girl?"

Her: "That girl who had a baby."

Me: "Oh, uh, you mean the friend of mine when I was younger?"

Her: "Yeah, how old was she?"

Me: "Well, she was only thirteen. Isn't that awful?"

Her: "Why did she want to have a baby when she was thirteen?"

Me: "She didn't want to. It was an accident."

I'm starting to sweat.

She scrunches up her face with this disturbing knowledge.

Her: "An accident! What did she DO?"

Me: "Well, she was doing something with a boy that she shouldn't have been doing."

I'm rolling down my window and turning up the air.

Her: "What was she doing??"

I can't NOT answer at this point because if I say "you're too young to know" (which is what my parents would have said) then what might she deduce from my vague answer? That they were jay walking? Or sneaking candy into the movies? Parting their hair wrong?

Me: "Well, they were doing things that only married people do."

Her: "Oh, you mean like kissing?"

Now, I wouldn't want my poor six-year-old to walk around thinking that kissing can put a baby inside you now would I?

I would.

"Yes", I said, "Exactly. Want to play I Spy?"

Comments

[Katie]

Good answer! I can actually remember asking my poor mom the same sorts of questions at about the same age. Lovely!

[Shannon Smith]

I actually had a similar conversation with my 6 year old boy the other day. I don't remember exactly how it went, but I think it ended up pretty much the same. With a change of subject. LOL

[girlymama]

I'm pregnant with #3 and I have two VERY curious older children (Ages 3 and 4) who have lots of questions as to how and why this baby got into my belly. The 4-year-old is also extremely concerned about how the baby is going to get out.
I was browsing Barnes & Noble (aka drinking Starbucks while my kids ran around the kids section making messes) and I found a GREAT book for them: The Birds, the Bees and the Berenstein Bears. It answers enough of their questions without giving too much for a 4-year-old to handle. Some of those "My Mom is Having a Baby" books was WAY too old for my age kids. They liked it and - most importantly - they STOPPED ASKING QUESTIONS! ;-)

[Jamie]

Good answer! Just had the conversation with my 10 year old son. Surprised by how much they hear and school and how untrue most of it is. It all went very well!!!

[dishes and laundry]

I have an almost 11 year old boy and an 8 year boy. We haven't had the talk with either - and I know I need to before they hear stuff at school. (cringing)

We tried once, with the older boy, about a year ago. We started off the conversation, asking him some questions about if he was curious, etc. He started CRYING, and asking "why are you talking to me like I'm an adult?". We let it rest.

So he's old enough and understands enough to know that he doesn't want to talk about it with us...I think he knows more than we realize. Then again, he seems pretty innocent and still uninterested.

[Dani]

Okay remember, I have children ranging from 2 years to 10.
My answer is the age where uhm they start to ask questions. No, not the innocent "But how do babies get inside a Mommies belly" questions. The school ager questions about girls and boys. The Questions that make you really think becasue there are two answers.. the really easy cop out, and the really hard truth. The kids who are really ready to KNOW are smart enough to give you both a way out of the topic because it is uncomfortablefor them too. The big mistake I made was copping out. And then I changed my mind and oh man, I didn't get to tell him he already knew a lot, not all of it but a lot. And what he knew was mixed up in this imature foolish missing steps make believe thing. So I had to start off by telling everything and then reiterate how we stand morally as a family. Whew, it was uncomfortable. But now he knows the truth not some super hero themed stuff. And he is armed with knowledge and so hoefully the next time the subject is brought up with his friends he just skips it for now. FOR NOW...its the "Mom I love her..." talk I am freaking out about. Over all my parental objective was always keep them in the safe childhood bubble, locked away from harsh realities, and grown up ideas, and hurt, and... and...But when it came time for me to burst my bubble I missed the boat. His came in 3ish-4th grade. Because another boy on the bus was talking about it.

[Butrfly Garden]

I HAVE NO IDEA what I will say. I know The Man has spoken to the boy about "what he knows," but Sunshine hasn't asked yet. Oh. Lord. This freaks me out. I dont' even know why really, maybe I'm afraid of messing her up. So far, we've covered that her private areas are PRIVATE and that means they are for her and medical professionals to deal with.

[DianaCLT]

Ben didn't start asking questions 'til we were nearing the end of my pregnancy with Lilly. Fortunately, we'd just watched a show that morning about kids and gardening...

Part I

Ben: "Mommy? How did my sister get in your belly?"

Me: (pausing a few seconds) "Well, daddy and I planted a seed."

(I figured this wasn't an actual lie. Even the Bible refers to it as a seed at some point, I believe.)

All done!

Part II

Somewhere along the lines, I recall Ben asking *how* we got the seed into my belly. I believe I gave an oh-so-honest answer....

"MAGIC!"

Sighs...I'm not proud of that one.

When it came to explaining HOW his sister would get out of my belly, I told the truth, absolutely!!!

Of course, my truth is probably different than the majority, whilst still being the same as many: "They are going to make a cut in mommy's belly and take her out that way, just like they did when you were born." (YAYYY C-Section!)

We took Ben on a hospital tour, meant for soon-to-be-older siblings. I didn't know they were going to show a very detailed, very graphic cartoon...complete with cartoon pubic hair, cartoon vagina, cartoon uterus, etc. Lovely. DH and I just sat there, looking at each other, thinking we were going to have a lot of questions to answer that night. Amazingly. No. Ben did not ask a single questions.

(wipes sweat from brow) Whew!

[lisa]

Uh. hmm. OK.

Well, the first time my daughter asked, I broke into that cold sweat, it was about 2 months ago. I stuttered and stammered. And then took the easy way out - GO ASK YOUR DADDY. I felt guilty for a minute or 2 but I couldn't think of anything else to say. It backlashed a bit on me, due to my inconvenient memory lapse of my husband's no BS approach to anything and EVERYTHING. So he explained to her about vaginas and penises. No detail or anything but he gave the parts names. It seemed to gross her out, so she changed the subject. WHEW! for now.

[MJ]

I laughed myself to death reading this. I have a six year old daughter and the same conversation happened in our car about a month ago, except the pregnant person lives right next door. LOL

[Jessica]

I have a blunt honesty with my daughter. When she asked me how babied get out of the tummy I told her you have to push them out of your vagina. My mom never talked to me about anything. I want my children to know the truth and exactly what goes on so there's no question what boy+girl equals.

[superblondgirl]

We got this book that detailed the whole thing, and my husband read it to the kid, and it was all very embarrassing and weird. Especially because I think 4 is kind of young for that particular book, but he was interested. So now I guess he knows, but it's not an issue anymore, which is nice. Except of course we still have to have the other talk, about love and condoms and all that good stuff, at some later date.

[B]

I ask my oldest what she thinks. So far it's, "Well, you hug REAL tight and ask God for a baby." She's 3, so that's good enough. I'll feed her info over ice cream as she gets older.

But she totally knows how they are born minus thanks to "A Baby Story".

[Melissa]

I am so glad this topic came up for discussion. Ironically, my 7 yr old daughter asked me, just last night, how she got into my belly. (ouch!!!)
My husband and I both act like gigly, shool children when this subject arises and almost laugh to one another, pointing when the kids aren't looking - "you do it"..."oh no, you do it" (tee he, tee he) I feel that my mother had the whole sex talk w/me WAY to early. Any, yes I feel that @ 7, my answer of " God put you there" is good enough. However, I also have a 10 year old and know that the time to talk to him is getting near, if not already hear. Can I just give him a book and tell him goodnight? No really, does anyone know of any good books to help us parents that get all nervous and sweaty, that could give some insight on how, when , why and where??? Good luck fellow parents ;)

[Laural]

This is horrible to admit, but when I was 11 (I was sheltered and went to a private christian school) our class was going to have sex ed. So the parents got letters and they all started giving us "the talk".
So one day at recess we came up with questions to ask - that we knew would make them uncomfortable.
And then we'd report back to each other the next day.
Hilarious!
My son is 3 and hasn't asked many questions. But, I have my good friend lined up to tell him all about sex. I am her reference for jobs. It is a good trade off.

[Sonja]

I think that was a good answer.
I work at a Christian school (5th grade) and we read the 10 Commandments today. Of course, someone asked what adultery was. When I replied "Inappropriate sexual behavior." every one went "ewwwwww." Hehehe.

[Isabella]

My sons are 7 and 10 years old. Two years ago, my oldest asked me questions. Anyway, a friend recommended books by Robie H. Harris. She has three books: It's so Amazing! , It's not the Stork (ages 4 and up) It's Perfectly Normal (ages 10-12). I remember having him read the middle book because I felt the older book wasn't the right time. It seemed to me the ages listed on the covered were too young, at least for our family. I'm looking forward to check out the Berstain Bear one. It sounds good for my younger son.

[Shawna]

I think most kids will let you know, step by step, when they are ready and how much they can handle.

When my oldest son, now 15, was 9, he came home from school and informed us that puberty was when girls got "hair on their nuts". We knew right then it was time to get things straightened out a bit!! We went to Border's, picked up a great book and he and my husband sat down. We've had plenty of moments since then...Hello Internet! My 11 year old has had a fascinating education thanks to his older brother and his friends. (I have verified the accuracy) He knew at an early age that girls DO NOT have "nuts"!

Never a dull moment.

[Shawna]

Melissa....I think the book we used is called "What's the Big Secret?".
It was great. Simple drawings, proper names, very straightforward and when he and my husband were done talking my son said, "I am NEVER going to do that!" I was so happy!

[Andi]

I just had to smile as I read over the post and all the comments; it seems to be one of those topics that everybody handles _very_ differently!

Just remember that even though you may not want to give your kids a lot of detailed information, some of their classmates' parents very well may already have done so. With these well-equipped little persons running about on the playground with their vast resoures of (oft-misinterpreted) knowledge, your children are quite likely to learn the details you didn't divulge all on their own (and not necessarily with total accuracy, either). That's how my sister and I got most of our more graphic information, and I think we were five and six at the time. My mother had a lot of damage control to do, and a lot of books to buy after that!

[Cory]

My now 13 year old informed me, when he was around 5, that he KNEW what sex was. Once I regained the ability to speak, I asked him to let me in on the secret. "It's a special kind of cuddling" he informed me proudly. I couldn't have put it in more perfect words!

[Traci B]

Good one... I am totally unsure on the timing of this stuff too!

[Becky]

hahaha Now that is Funny with a capital F!! I love Kindergarteners they are Loverly and funny...I keep getting in trouble with mine..

As for when to discuss sex, ummm I would prefer never, however, I just do it when they ask...

[kris]

Sweet Lord, Lena. My mother still hasn't talked to me about sex and I turned 34 last week. In all honesty, she still thinks I'm a virgin. The single cat lady thing doesn't help, I know . . .

[Butrfly Garden]

How come only the ClubMom blogs I don't read regularly are telling me about what's going on. HUH? HUH, LENA!?!?!?!

(Jokingly angry, of course.)

Well, we have you on blogger as well, at least. Was there going to be some kind of announcement or something??