Short List of Things I Do Not Recommend

1. Watching "The Bridges of Madison County" too close to your period.

2. The same month your only child starts Kindergarten.

3. While infertile.

4. And drinking a 2006 Trader Joe's Shiraz.

One quote stopped me dead in my Ruffle-dipping tracks.

Meryl Streep's character says, very haltingly:

"Having children in one way ends your life. ...A new life begins that is wonderful. But, YOU are over. Your life becomes about details. ...And YOU stand still. So that everyone else can move around you. And then they leave. ...And they take those details with them. ...And you're supposed to move on. But, you can't remember what moved you. ...Because it's been so long since anyone asked."

It's been so long since anyone asked.

From my keyboard to your heart, no? How often do you feel like if you could only get a MINUTE ALONE, THEN you could figure out what moves you. Then you would know what your plan is. Then you could have a conversation with you again. If you could just step out of the details of family life for a minute to reconnect with YOU.

Meryl Streep portrays a housewife in the 1960's, but the sentiment rings true today. Perhaps even more so. Because there are so many more opportunities available to moms today - so many new ways to feel like you're failing if you don't take them.

I thought about her words "It's been so long since anyone asked". I realized that that is what makes all the difference.

Someone asking.

Someone to remind you of who you are and where you're going. Someone to remind you to check in with that quiet place in your heart. Someone to nudge you to keep moving forward.

I'm so lucky that Chris has always been so supportive of whatever it is I want to do. He's the first one cheering me on.

When I wanted to become a mom ten minutes after we married, he said okay.

When I wanted to quit my job, he said do it.

When I wanted to start my own business, he announced it to the world.

When I wanted to go back to school, he was right there.

When I wanted to take on writing gigs, he said go for it.

And when I wanted to raise ferrets, there he was. (I'm kidding. I never raised ferrets, but I could have. See?)

Now, after seven years of marriage and six years of mommying and with the possibility of having another child dancing on the horizon, I'm in the beginning stages of starting up yet another business and without a doubt, I know my reliable husband will be right there by my side every step of the way. Asking all the right questions. Sharing my enthusiasm. Nudging me along.

It's his way of whispering in my ear "What moves you?".

Because without someone asking, we may never be forced to answer.

So, let me be that someone today. What was your passion before you became a mom, a wife?

Is it painting? Acting? Running? Singing? Dancing? Photography? Cooking? Writing? Reading? Your career? Pole dancing?

What moves you?

Comments

[Janssen]

I love to read. When I go for long periods without reading, I stop feeling like me. I will hold on to that.

[Butrfly Garden]

I don't think I've ever known the answer to that.

But when I read that quote, I felt it.

[NotAMeanGirl]

Singing. I used to sing competitively, on a national level. I used to sing 3 nights a week for other people... Now, I sing in the shower and for my Shecky. :) I miss it a lot of the time but... its my past.

[B]

Huh, I never felt like me until I had kids. Yeah, I get tired of the DAILY-NESS of it all, but marriage and kids have been my life long ambitions. And I get shit for that all the time b/c I have a high IQ, and I have OBVIOUSLY wasted that by not becoming a doctor of something. But the truth is, raising my children and falling into my husband's arms move me.

Thanks for asking.

[Becky Scott]

i am fortunate that my husband supports me in pretty much everything. "whatever makes you happy" he says. and he means it.

i am about to embark on that strange, wonderful life as mom. and i hope not to lose the ability along the way to ask what moves me.

great post, lena.

[mandy]

The things that move me have changed. Before, I loved to paint, read, drink wine, enjoy dinners with friends-AND wine. Now my children move me. I have no me time, it is true, but the things I did with it when I did, don't compare to this.
When they leave me all to myself, I honestly don't know what I will do. Luckily I still have 17.5 years to worry about it. :)
Nice post LENA!

[Boldn'Brazen]

Um... what was that about another child?

Bn'B

[Jennifer]

Wow, great post.

Enjoying time alone, enjoying tine with my husband, having a good Mommy day, drinking a cold beer, reading a great book, finding the bargain of the century...it's the little things that move me.

[Nicki]

Again, it's been so long I'm not sure--but wow! This is powerful! Brought a tear to my eye. You have a great husband. We are fortunate to have someone in our lives that can be so supportive. Good luck with the new business.

[Cholly]

I love this post. It kinda scares me that I am not sure what moves me anymore. I have gotten so caught up in just living that I think I have lost a part of me. Tomorrow is my birthday and I think my birthday wish will be to find me again.

[Cholly]

I love this post. It kinda scares me that I am not sure what moves me anymore. I have gotten so caught up in just living that I think I have lost a part of me. Tomorrow is my birthday and I think my birthday wish will be to find me again.

[Lena]

Bn'B - Things are afoot. ;) LOng complicated things, unfortunately.

[Amnesia]

God - I have NO earthly idea. Just like in the movie - nobody has asked me and I really have not thought about it much. I would typically say my kids, my husband, my job - but aside from that I really have no clue. Soul searching starts...NOW.

[Jody]

This is a great post and while I should be answering the question.. I'm a bit stuck on the possibility of another child and another business venture! :) I've been reading faithfully for several months and tried to keep up for many months before that... I don't recall any mention of this before... did I miss something? Is this new news that you're sneaking in here? :) I see that you say things are afoot... but lordy I tell you it's taking all I have to not ask a LOT of probably too personal of questions. :) I respect your privacy.. but I'd like to let you know that if you every feel like talking about it.. I'm sure many of us are very curious. :) Good luck to you in however those ventures unfold!

As for what moves me.. I'm super crafty! I love making cards and I've recently been able to dig all must stuff out of storage and dive in head first in an attempt to sell them. It's very exciting! I'm very lucky to have a supportive hubby as well. I haven't often felt like I've lost myself... I don't know if it's because I'm so far gone I don't even realize it.. or if what I'm doing is what I am meant to and want to do and therefore I'm totally in touch with who I am. Or maybe I didn't know who I was before I had kids and this is all I know?? When I worked I was never on a "career path".. I never saw myself wanting to do anything long term.. I think I always knew that I would be a stay at home mom... that was all I wanted to do. And now that I'm doing it I sometimes wonder if I should go back to work to get a break.. but those are usually just fleeting thoughts. I think I'm rambling now.. I should stop. Thanks for asking Lena!

[The Other Elle]

Wait! Wait! "The possibility of having another child..." What HAVE I been missing while I was busy Mommying?!

Dang, woman, way to wake me up at quarter to midnight! Now I have to go back and read thru the archives!!

[The Other Elle]

Jody, lol, at least you got around to answering the question. I got stuck at that possibility of another baby in the future, and the rest of the post slid off my consciousness like the olive oil off my son's hair. (Don't ask.)

I guess I haven't gotten over all those years of infertility, only to be blessed with two children when I was in my 40s. My eye is still caught and held by the word "baby"!

[mpotter]

how sad and chilling that i don't really know the answer to this.
unlike all y'all (yeah, you heard that right), i'm not a mom.
not yet.
and i'm already staying home from work in order to pursue a new career. so while that's not coming quite as wonderfully as we had hoped, i sit at home, like many of you guys, but without the child to keep me occupied & busy.

so.... i read these wonderful blogs (lena, you're awesome!!!) about how hard it's going to be when i sit at home w/ a child. [which i'm already fearful of] and i do get to read thought-provoking posts. and get to enjoy the posts of joys of being home /having a child. still i'm terrified.

and i take care of the cleaning and such. but that's it. i know i'm wasting soooooo much precious time. but i've never been introspective.
and that's never bothered me more than it does now.

b/c i can do anything i want right now, and yet, i don't do anything. b/c i just DON'T KNOW.

[Kari]

What moves me is when I get complimented on what nice children (teenagers) we have. A very respected teacher told me she wished our sons could spend more time together and 2 other teachers regretted that we didn't have more children for them to teach. That was one of the most awesome compliments a parent can ever receive!
Parenting never get easier, it just gets different.

[Ruth Dynamite]

This question is kind of deep, Lena. I wanted to be all snarky and quippy and talk about how I'm moved by melted brie and a nice Cabernet (which I most definitely am), but then I got to thinking. I'm motivated by people, not things. I am moved by making a difference, somehow, in someone else's life, whether it's giving them hope or making them laugh.

OK. Next question?

[Nicole]

Thanks, Lena. That post is incredibly moving and every woman should read that, regardless if she's a mother or not.

(and this is not the Pinot Gris talking :))

[Serenity Now!]

Writing and photography.

And for some reason... being pregnant and having babies. I don't really see that as something that "moves me"... but something I feel compelled to keep doing... or trying to do...

[Jenny]

Do you think, as women, we are almost hard wired NOT to know what our passions are? Are we instead, here to help the men/children/etc in our lives fulfill theirs first? Some days I think so. Some days I don't. But I know if I did get a few minutes in my own brain/soul I might not know what to say to me. Even though I think I live my life with passion.

I guess I shouldn't have read your post so close to my period, too.

[laurie eller]

You're hilarious! Thanks for the laughs. I needed them today.

laurie eller

[islaygirl]

sending good vibes for the complicated things regarding more children. xx

[superblondgirl]

Wow, that quote really does sort of slap you in the face and drag you to the mirror by the hair, huh? Before kids, I was a poet. Then I stopped writing and can't seem to find it again. But lately? I have been immersed in a novel I am writing half in my head. And I scribble down bits of it, I am chock-full of ideas for it, and dammit, I'm going to write something soon. As soon as I stop being scared out of my skull for a million trillion writing reasons.

What's this about more children? I have no idea what's going on and I'm still so freaking excited for you, just at the mention of the possibility.