I started to write about the fires here at Club Mom, but realized that is a subject better suited for my personal blog, so if you would like to know how I'm doing feel free to take a jaunt over yonder.
Obviously, I still have hands.
I know posting has been spotty and I'm not going to apologize because yet again I've been reading how "egotistical" and "presumptuous" it is to apologize for not posting. Honestly, I will never wrap my brain around why. It's not like I'm saying "Sorry I haven't been raining upon you the bounty of my golden thoughts, but alas I am back and the sun may shine upon your bored little face once again!".
I was just busy is all. And you probably are too. And since we have sort of an ongoing conversation, I thought you would like to know. Or not.
Also, I sort of started a business.
Actually, I really started a business. A real one with like clients and stuff. And I'd like to say I'm very cool and corporate about it. But, honestly? I literally pinched myself yesterday. Because I am having real adult conversations again about real adult things and getting paid real adult money.
*PINCH*
More about that later (probably on my other blog). But, today! I have a new idea! I was looking through my archives doing some housekeeping and I noticed that, well, we're kind of awesome you and I. What with all the advice and opinions and such. So, I'm thinking of channeling that in a more defined way.
Like so:
Every week I'll post a common, yet seriously baffling, parenting issue. For all ages. Then we'll all hop on with what worked for us and pool our collective awesomeness in a totally useful way. What do you think?
So, here's this week's Issue.
Sleeping In Their Own Bed
How did you get your kids to sleep in their own bed? Did you do it from birth? If not, what age? What would you recommend? And what would you definitely recomNOTmend?
You tell me what worked for you (or didn't) and then I'll come back and share our fool-proof plan.
For us it is easy, we never had them sleep in our bed or room in the fist place. Yet. I sure it will come someday.
Posted by: Sleepynita | 10/25/2007 at 03:46 PM
I have no idea why they've never tried to sleep with us (well, NB was five when I met TM, so that would have been a little weird, but SS was still a babe). I guess we've always kind of pushed the idea that it was our place - our whole bedroom, really. That's all I've got. But the most we've seen them at night was for a re-tuck after a bad dream.
Congrats on the new business. Can't wait to hear about it!!
Posted by: Butrfly Garden | 10/25/2007 at 04:18 PM
Our sleep habits are just generally weird. When he was a baby my son would only sleep basically on me - I relented because I needed sleep. Now he just loves to sleep in my bed - whether or not I am there.
But, when we toilet trained him and he kept having accidents in my bed (but thankfully on my husband's side!!)We decided to make him sleep in his bed. And then he wanted to put a tent on his bed. So we let him. And now he sleeps in a tent on his bed. And it's water proof.
So, I think the advice all parents should take from me is put a tent on your child's bed and let him sleep in it????
No really, do what works.
I'm pregnant again. I have a goal of making this child sleep in his/her crib. I can hope.
Really, if I get sleep I don't care if my child is in my bed.
Posted by: Laural | 10/25/2007 at 04:27 PM
Ugh, this was a HARD one...but definitely necessary. I watched my older sister allow my nephew to sleep with her until he was ten and I knew for sure that wasn't going to happen in my house. I mean come on, occasionally one might want a little privacy in one's room, right? Anyway, our daughter ended up in our bed with us just about every night from eighteen months up to about 2 1/2. I know that the first night she woke up and came in our room and those covers weren't immediately pulled back to welcome her was just about the biggest shock of her teeny little life. We would walk her back to her room and tuck her back in, then leave. She would cry and it was absolutely heartbreaking...for about three days. We bought a music box and turned it on for her when we put her down and told her she could re-wind it ONE time and then it was eyes closed. Seriously, after the first week it was just commonplace. She's 6 now and we've never had any problems other than the stray thunderstorm...other than last Saturday when she was so excited about a friend coming over that she woke me up at 4:45 "Mommy, is it time to call Brittani?" :-) Good luck!!! But be warned, you have to be strong the first few days and be prepared for you heart to break a little every night.
Posted by: Heather | 10/25/2007 at 04:32 PM
Both of my kids slept in their own beds since birth. First the cribs, their single beds when they were two/two and half. It works in our home, besides I am selfish, I don't want to deal with the headache of moving into their beds later on.
Posted by: Liz | 10/25/2007 at 05:28 PM
We had a perfect sleeping situation at our house...until the second baby came along and the older one learned that if he made even the tiniest of sounds, we'd hustle him outta the bedroom - "don't wake the baby!"
Honestly, we've had every sleeping situation imaginable. Good times and then times that I won't even admit to. Mama just needed her sleep!
Boys are almost 11 and 8 now, and the 8 year old is down in the basement all by himself. He likes me to lay down with him for about 5 minutes and then I have to stay in the basement (watching Dancing w/ the Stars) until he falls asleep. Older son stays up until I can be on the upper floor with him.
I used to gripe about having to lay with my older son until he fell asleep...and now I miss it.
Posted by: dishes and laundry | 10/25/2007 at 06:58 PM
I think to each his/her own. I need sleep or I am a terrible mass of anxiety and rage. Since I was a little girl this has been true. Thus there was a few weeks of sleeping in the same room with the infant, but other than that they were put into their own crib. That said, we let the girls snuggle, but put them back in their own bed where they must stay until 7, UNLESS there is a sickness or night terror involved. Also, weekend AM is a free-for-all in the parental bed.
That is how we do it. I know that if they knew the gory details my kids would totally thank us for it.
Posted by: B | 10/25/2007 at 08:23 PM
My dd, now 16 was born when I was very young. I had not ONE clue how to get a baby to do anything, let alone sleep. I nursed her for 19 months and she slept with me for many years (alone). The only way I could get her to go to sleep was to lay with her. Often she would wake the second I tried to get out of the bed.
Second child, slept in a basinet and then her own crib until about 6mo. Then we had friends stay with us for a month and we didn't want to disturb them with her spotty sleeping and frequent crying. So we had her sleep with us. I had to get her bottles 4 and 5 times a night. When she was 12 mo, we had a rough night and she would not go to sleep. So, we decided that was the time to try CIO. She cried for an hour and fell asleep sitting up with her head propped on the bars of the crib. We were heartbroken for her, but determined to have our bed back. So we kept on, and it got better. Now 7pm, I lay her down and she goes right to sleep.
New baby, 8mo now...Never had him sleep with me, for that very reason...he always was in a basinet or crib. I have laid him down awake since he was born and it took about 8mo to get him to go to sleep quickly on his own. Less crying, more sleeping. He did fuss for maybe 10 minutes each time, but did always fall asleep on his own. Finally after 3 kids, I feel like I got it right! Honestly though, they were all very different and would have needed different techniques.
Posted by: mandy | 10/25/2007 at 08:52 PM
No one likes my story but me. Both our boys slept with us pretty much until they were 10 or so. there were nights where they slept in their own beds, I wish I'd put the two of them together when the younger was 3 or so and the older 10. However, they are now 14 & 21 and do not sleep with us : ) I miss those days.
Posted by: Julia | 10/25/2007 at 09:53 PM
Had I had things MY way, my kids would have slept in the bed with my DH and I, but he firmly refused cause he thought we'd smother them. So my two have always slept in their own beds. We all sleep in my bed when DH is out of town on business...and after being elbowed and kicked all night, I thank that man for not giving me my way.
Posted by: MJ | 10/25/2007 at 10:10 PM
Both of my kids slept in their own beds from birth. Sleeping in our bed has never been an option for the kids and it has worked out well for us.
They also refer to our bed as Daddy's bed because they never see Mommy sleeping in it! Ha!
Posted by: Beth_C | 10/26/2007 at 08:05 AM
We moved him over to a crib around age 2-ish. It was rough, there was screaming, but we just talked a lot about being a "big boy" and ignored the screaming for the 5 minutes it took before it ended, and then it was all good. Because of the bars and all, the transition to big-boy bed quite soon after was easier - less sneaking into our bed at night then there probably would have been otherwise.
And I missed you while you were gone, you little ray of sunshine and golden light. ;)
Posted by: superblondgirl | 10/26/2007 at 08:13 AM
I am curious to read all of the replies and the fool-proof plan because our co-sleeping daughter is almost 2 1/2 and I want to start figuring this out before we try for our 2nd child next summer.
Posted by: Michelle | 10/26/2007 at 09:45 AM
We had an infant co-sleeper when our daughter was born but she was the kind of baby who would take two hours to go to sleep, then wake up crying the second you tried to put her down, then take another hour to go BACK to sleep. To minimize the crying our OUR parts, we didn't bother trying to get her to sleep in the co-sleeper, but just put her between us in bed, where she slept until about ten months. When she started needing more space than we could comfortably give her, we got a crib and attached it to our bed as an extension of our sleeping space. She slept in there spottily for a couple months, but often ended up between us as she was also still nursing all night long.
Now that she's 12.5 months, we're working on night-weaning and transitioning her to spending the whole night in the crib part of the family bed. It's going pretty well. My hope is that as she gets older she'll see the crib, rather than the whole of our bed, as *her* sleeping space, and it'll make it easier to transition her to her own bed. We've got no timeline on that, though - right now we enjoy having our daughter sleep with us. I guess we'll know when we're all ready for the transition.
One idea a mom I know used, and which we definitely plan to use ourselves, is to make a "kids' bed" on the floor of the parents' room, so that any kids who are scared or lonely during the night can come and sleep in their parents' room without getting into bed with them and disturbing them.
Before I had my baby I imagined I'd want her in her own bed, so I've been really surprised by how much I love co-sleeping. But I do! It feels natural and right to me. It's certainly not for everyone, but it works for us. And that's why I stay away from "sleep expert" books, because I refuse to believe that I'm engendering "bad" habits in my child by giving her the comfort she so clearly wants and needs.
Posted by: Arwen | 10/26/2007 at 09:56 AM
When you're nursing at night, it makes sense to bring the baby into your bed. I did this with all three of mine, they usually fell asleep nursing and so did I and then dad returned them to bed. EXCEPT my son, who acted as if you had placed him on a hot stove if you put him in his crib or bassinette or anywhere else other than in our bed, with one of our bodies next to him. You couldn't rock him to sleep, mind you, you had to lie down next to him instead. We had him in our bed until he was old enough to wake up and try and crawl around the bed, so about 7 months...then we did the thing where we placed him in his crib for 5 minutes the first night, 10 the next and so on until he finally transitioned. It took less than a week. He's 10 now and NEVER leaves his bed.
I allow my children into my bed whenever they are sick or afraid. I remember being terrified at night as a child and not allowed to sleep with my parents and I would like in bed terrified for what seemed like hours because I knew they would return me to bed if I went into their room. I will never allow my children to be afraid. My bed is always open when they need me.
Posted by: susu | 10/26/2007 at 10:35 AM
I thought I was doing great.... Both my kids slept with us as infants, and both transitioned easily to their crib at around 10 months, when they were no longer nursing at night. All was well for a couple of years, until this summer when I went back to work.
The kids (now almost 3 and almost 5) were used to staying up late, since DH was on second shift. Suddenly, I needed them to go to sleep earlier, and they were just NOT doing it in their beds, no matter how long I laid there! I gave up after getting NO sleep for a few nights (not good when starting a new job!) Now they either fall asleep on the couch or in my bed. Occasionally I can take one up to their bad after they are asleep, but usually they cry.
DH is not happy with the situation, but I'm still working and needing my sleep. Laying with them, stories, threats, bribes, nothing seems to work. I would have to physically hold them in their beds to keep them there if I'm not laying right by them, and I'm not wiling to do that!
Hopefully I'll find some good tips here...
By the way, love the blog and this idea!!
Posted by: Tara | 10/26/2007 at 01:38 PM
My 2 boys...7 & 6 ... STILL ask to sleep in my bed....then i feel like a big meany sayng no and telling them they're getting too big that we don't all fit anymore. goodluck y'all!
Posted by: JAMIE | 10/26/2007 at 02:27 PM
I was petrified of what it would take to break the habit later on, I knew couples that hadn't spent a night just the two of them in bed for more than five years and were decidedly unhappy about it.
So, our son was in our room but in his bassinet until about two months, and in his own room in his crib after that. He has been a fairly reliable sleeper, but on the long nights that happen every so often, we have a good cuddle and I rock him back to sleep in the glider and then put him down in his crib.
One thing that helps, I've found, and he's quite ticklish so that's helpful, is to get him out of crying mode and laughing his big belly laughs before trying to settle him. Something about a good tickle and lots of funny noises makes him laugh his little butt off, makes him forget what had him all upset, and lets me rock him back to sleep smiling.
Posted by: Alicia | 10/26/2007 at 08:54 PM
my daughter slept in her crib in her own room since birth. she never would have fit in our bed (small bed, large husband) and there was no room for a co-sleeper or bassinet in our room. and deep down, i knew i would never sleep if she was in the bed with us. (plus two people warned us of the trouble getting your child out of your bed once they start sleeping there and that scared me more than a little!)
my girl has always been a good sleeper and was never a baby that wanted to be held and cuddled all the time (she preferred laying on a blanket on the floor) so i'm not sure she would have liked sleeping with us anyways. so, everything worked out perfect for us..... i'm assuming that means that the little one i'm currently gestating will have all kinds of sleep issues, right?
Posted by: carey | 10/26/2007 at 10:37 PM
Hahahaha! Well. Our kids are still in our bed. At ages almost 8 and almost 5. Ironically, my just-turned-2-year-old still sleeps contentedly in her crib.
My 8-year-old only comes in on occasion and doesn't fuss when we move him back.
But my 5-year-old, she will make our lives MISERABLE in the night if we don't just let her come in. I don't mind it too much. But Husband often goes into another bed. We only have a queen, after all.
So, I'll be reading all these responses eagerly.
Oh, the irony is, all of our kids were crib sleepers as babies. The coming into our bed only started once they were in their own beds.
Posted by: dcrmom | 10/27/2007 at 07:54 AM
The best advice I recieved while pregnant was, "Never make an exception that you don't want to become a rule." Our daughter has always had her own bed and, for the most part, has always slept in it. When, occassionally, we have let her sleep with us because of illness or nightmares, it is not easy to get her back in her room and that's when the good advice I recieved early echoes in my head. But we stand firm... until the next time.
Posted by: Karen | 10/27/2007 at 10:22 AM
This is one of those things you just can't predict. If you're one of those successful ferberizers, well, then God bless you and i hope you have money for the therapy bills. and if you had kids who didn't want to sleep with the parents, well God bless you, too.
I had the Child Who Would Not Sleep. It was like green eggs and ham, except with sleep. I tried everything. with without in her room in my room CIO co-sleep.
Finally, around age 3, she started sleeping with any sort of regularity, but by then, I had literally tried everything. and don't say, 'oh, you just didn't commit to CIO' or whatever. You weren't there.
No, i'm not sensitive about this, why do you ask?
It was very frustrating for a long time, until i looked at the whole of her life -- she ate well, she was healthy, she has good motor skills, she's kind and sweet -- and figured the sleep thing was an easy cross to bear, in the long run.
Posted by: islaygirl | 10/27/2007 at 04:14 PM
My turn: my DS has always slept in his own bed - but I am sorry to say that is not true for me. He starts to cry out (he is in a big boy bed) and I jog on upstairs and I am already tired so I lay down in his bed and CRASH. I am not a large person nor am I out of shape but man walking up a curving staircase after you have been asleep yourself I can't seem to think straight i just want to lay back down - so now what do i do - MOVE so all our rooms are on one floor? Wake -up for hours on end cuz i can't get back to sleep? HELP. Ugh. His bed is just so quiet and the fan blocks out the alarm blaring at 5:45 am for my DH. I know that I won't be wanted there soon enough no matter what.
Posted by: Trayce | 10/27/2007 at 09:19 PM
My kids started out in their cribs from birth. Of course there are the occasional nights that you do whatever you can to get your baby or child to sleep. I can not say that I never have my kids in the bed, (stormy nights, illness, etc).
However, my marriage is important to me, and you can't really have a strong marriage (or good sleep) with kids regularly in your bed. You kids also need to learn to soothe themselves at some point.
Then lets just say after a certain age it just becomes inappropriate to have them in your bed.
Posted by: 4benders | 10/28/2007 at 10:28 AM
when Hailey turned 2 I made her start sleeping in her own room. It was probably too late for some people but it worked for us.
Posted by: Jenny | 10/29/2007 at 07:54 AM