Random House Come A-Knockin

What do I think this is? Some sort of communist dictatorship where I can promise you lovely people a post and then turn around and produce nada zip zilch the next day? What an evil blog overlord I am. Really, there should be a coup to overthrow me. (I'm easily distracted by shiny things, so you could start there.)

I sheepishly apologize for being so spotty in my posting recently. But! I have a good excuse! Don't tell the people over here who read this blog (I'm never quite sure how many of you are the same readers - 10%? all of you?), but we closed escrow yesterday. Woot! Finally. After six grueling gut-wrenching weeks.

(I know, I know. I sort of kind of inferred that we already closed escrow two weeks ago. But, I am ashamed to admit that I misled you. The truth is, the escrow was unraveling fast and frankly, I was tired of humiliating myself on the internet. A girl can only take so much. So, I'm sure you understand that I just had to put a stop to the discussion before I jumped in front of a train. I promised myself, though, that once there was an ending - good or bad - to the situation, I would tell you the whole sordid story. And I am. Over there.)

Today, though, over here I want to share with you the sorriest excuse for a book accompanied by the most rudimentary of illustrations.

I like to call it "Savannah's Morning", but alternate titles could've been "How To Prevent Mommy From Yelling Obscenities in the Morning" or "Mommy's Effort To Get Organized Because She's Kind Of Lazy" or even "This Book is Really For Mommy Because Once She Turns On the Today Show, She's Mesmerized by Matt Lauer and Forgets To Get Me Ready".

I quickly realized that we would need a manual of sorts for getting ready for school after spending more than a few mornings racing through the house half-dressed, holding a cereal bar, a comb, and a toothbrush while shouting "move! move! move!". All the makings of a relaxing morning, I assure you.

So, late one night I threw this together and can I tell you something? Savannah loves it. She's so encouraging of my parental efforts. I imagine her gazing lovingly upon me sleeping while thinking "she's getting so big". (And I am, by the way. I'm back on The Dip.)

Anyway, without further ado, I present you with "Savannah's Morning".

 

My kitchen really is that clean.


I am told that those teeth are absolutely terrifying.

I assume this is the car the internet would like me to drive.

While Chris and I had a good laugh over my terrifying illustrative skillz, I have to tell you that Savannah  is taking this book very seriously. She even told me last night, "Mommy, I like that book you made me because sometimes I forget what to do next and it makes me angry. And now my mornings are happy".

I hit the genetic jackpot with this child. We were made for each other.

~~~

Tomorrow's* Post brought to you by the letter H. For "Horrifying". Because that is the only word to describe what happened to me this morning at Starbucks with some MOPS members. I shall be back.

*And by "tomorrow", of course, I might mean Friday ...or I might mean eight days from now. I'm a free spirit that way.

Comments

[DianaCLT]

Congratulations on closing escrow! How many 'ritas did you celebrate with? :-p

You rock! Honestly. I think you really could sell that book. We are also having a little trouble adjusting to the get-ready-for-Kindergarten routine. And I know we are not alone.

And, regarding your illustrative skillz? Your stick figures could kick my stick figures' asses!

[Daily Tragedies]

Best. Idea. Ever.

I don't even have kids, but I'm filing this little nugget away for when it might be useful!

[MommasWorld]

That is a Great little book! You know you will save it forever and it is working so well.

We had a poster with pictures for the whole day. My son put a sticker next to the picture when he was done. The book is better since you can keep it. Our poster had too much wear and tear to keep.

[janny226]

I think the book is adorable. Even the scary person brushing her teeth.

[Lisa]

I am not a troll or anything lena but I was taken back when I read you kinda lied to us on your other blog about closing. I know I kept checking your blog to make sure everything went through ok. I was so nervous until I saw closed and I even said a thank you prayer to god that you and your family made it out of your situation ok. But I love you anyway and I am glad that everything did work out in the (truthfully) I hope this time!!!
lol please take this lightheartedly and not in a judgy type way
Lisa

[Kate]

Oh, god, I'm so relieved. When I read that the chapter was "closed" two weeks ago, I thought you meant they had foreclosed on your house (I'd remembered that was going to start on September 1st, and last we heard it was the end of August and your buyers were sort of dicking around). I'm so happy that instead it was the happy closed--congratulations!

[Lena]

Lisa - I didn't technically LIE. I said "closed" and then said "this chapter is closed" because I thought that our escrow fell through and that we were giving the house to the bank.

Also, I turned off comments on that post for a reason.

You have to remember that everyone in our real lives (my husband's family and friends and co-workers included) read my blogs and there comes a point where you need to pull back for a bit and decide what you want to share.

[Beth_C]

I read both of your blogs...religiously! I wondered what was up when you closed your comments on the post at your other site but I knew you had a good reason. I'm glad everything has finally worked out in your favor. And I'm glad you were true to yourself.

We appreciate you putting yourself out there for us but I think most of your regular readers understand the need to take care of you and your family first and us second!

I am sitting on pins and needles waiting for the MOPS story. As a member of a MOPS group I can only imagine....

[Robin]

so glad that it all worked out for you...Now I need a Scott's morning...Today we were in the car before I realized that his hair and teeth had not been brushed...crap..back into the house and another tardy!!!

[Laural]

I read both blogs! And, I loved your book. I have to admit that I rarely get my son to daycare with all of those things done. We keep gum in the car in case he had bad breath. I think that makes me a bad parent, but at least they don't know!!!
And ... congrats on closing escrow. It's scary. I know.

[Natalie]

That book is great! And I love Savannah's see-through clothes that she's wearing in it! Are they from Target or Limited Too? Ha, ha! Seriously though, the book is awesome. I have a kindergardner too and I'm having a baby in about 2 weeks, so while we're doing fine *now* with getting ready, it all will change soon. Can you make a book for me??
Congrats on closing!
Can't wait to hear the MOPS story!

[Roxanne]

*cracking up* OMG, you kill me with the drawing of your car. Love the book, I'm glad your child loves it too.

As for your mad drawin' skillz, it is far better then mine.

[Lena]

Laural - Ha! So glad to know we're not the only ones who do the "Dentyne brushing".

[superblondgirl]

Seriously, that is a HOT car. You should trade in the BMW for that car.
I love the book - and your guts to share the pictures with the internets. My drawing "skillz" shall never be posted online. Especially when it comes to cars.

[Butrfly Garden]

I bet it's half your book and half your wonderful child.

Since I got pregnant almost three years ago, I've been trying to get the kids to be more independent. I made them each lists with clip art telling them what to do in order. That lasted about a week. Then it was:
"Why are you just standing there? What should you be doing?"
"I don't know."
"Well look at the list"
"Ummm....I did that. I did that. I did that."
And that would happen for nearly every activity nearly every morning. Now they've both had the same morning schedules for three years and STILL, EVERY morning, "What else can you be doing besides NOTHING?"

I feel like my mornings are completely doomed for the next ten years.

[Megan]

I'm 19 and can only sincerely hope I hit the "genetic jackpot" with my future child(ren). I'm so OCD it's ridiculous, with a touch of self-proclaimed ADD. You made me completely laugh out loud with this book post, it sounds like something my mother and I would have done. :)