Kindergarten Countdown: T minus 10 days. (Vodka is chilling. For the coma I am planning on putting myself in that day. That day that my barren uterus and I get back into my car and drive around in lonely circles until 1:15.)
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Every morning when my dad would leave for work I would ride my pink banana seater bike as fast as I could alongside his van until I could no longer keep up. When I would finally stop I'd wave furiously and yell "Bye, Daddy! Have a good day, Daddy!" as the back of his van disappeared around the corner. He would honk and wave out his window and I would go back inside.
Back inside to Mother.
It remained this way - Daddy and Mother (or Mom) through most of my adolescence. I don't remember exactly when Mommy became Mom or Mother, but I do recall that I clung to Daddy for years. Until he gave me too many good reasons to move on to other (ahem) "names" for him.
I asked my mom recently at what age I stopped calling her Mommy.
"Around five or six" she answered. To my dismay.
Because Savannah will be six in two months (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? WOE. DISTRESS. SADNESS.).
And I can't bear the thought of her little high-pitched voice not calling me Mama as she has with the exact same cadence since she was 9 months old...MAma. Like a little lamb's bleat.
I can't bear the thought of her regarding me with disdain; of calling me Mother. As in, Mother, you're as dumb as a bag of hair.
But, I know it's on its way. I know that that is the price I will pay for having a daughter: raising a Daddy's girl. I know he will remain Daddy while I will be demoted to Mother. ...On a good day.
Chris will be the treat while I will be the obligation. Chris will be the fun while I will be the work. Chris will retain the levity of Daddy and I will become the burden of Mother.
Which makes the next few years all the more important to me. I know we will soon have an age old dynamic between us - teenage daughter and mother - and I want more than ever to savor the time I have with her adoration. Because today is a good day.
Today I am still MAma.
I came across this little poem and while I normally roll my eyes at these (because I am very sensitive and caring) this one grabbed me by my throat. Seriously. Enjoy.
*Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
*Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
*Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
*Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.
*Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
*Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
*Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
*Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
*Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
*Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favorite TV shows. (That is love right there. No joke.)
*Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
*I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
*And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a ittle longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day.
Gosh, this whole post was just amazing. I too have a Daddy's Girl and even though at the age of 7 I am still Momma to her, I wonder when the day will come (as it did for me as well) when I will become Mother.
Posted by: mommiebear2 | 08/25/2007 at 07:38 PM
Ugh, three girls and nary a mamma's boy for me. I love 'em though the eldest at age 3 already has the sing-song "Mo-om" going on.
Posted by: B | 08/25/2007 at 10:57 PM
Yes, I was always a "Daddy" and "Mother" kinda gal. I know my time is coming, too....
My one and only daughter started kindergarten last Monday and it was a great week for her. I really expected that mid-week she would ask: "You mean I have to go to school EVERY DAY?" I was thrilled that we got up and at 'em with a smile on our face every day (we're NOT morning people) and that she loved school. Then, when I picked her up on Friday afternoon, her teacher took me aside and explained that a boy in her class had called her a "hottie" and had basically bugged the crap out of my sweet 5-year-old girl all day. So much so that the teacher sent the boy (and another boy who had apparently joined in) to the principal's office. The principal gave them a stern talking-to, and, apparently (as I determined through gentle, yet thorough questioning of my daughter), brought them in to apologize to her. I felt the teacher and principal handled it sufficiently, but my heart just sank. Luckily my daughter doesn't have any idea what a hottie is and she just described the boys as being mean (she never even mentioned that word to me when I was trying to draw her out and I never said the teacher had told me anything). I just pray the boys leave her alone the rest of the school year and her teacher keeps a close eye....
I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you worry! In the grand scheme of things, my girl had a great week.
Posted by: MommyLane | 08/25/2007 at 11:48 PM
My 15 year old daughter still calls me MAma and she still likes to cuddle up now and again. I don't think she'll ever stop.
On her first day of full day pre-school she marched into the room, found her cubby and said "It's okay MAma, you can go now!"
Let your heart soar, not break, when Savannah says these things to you. It means you are doing a great job.
My daughter is a well loved hip and cool kind of teenager. She knows her own mind and knows how to speak it kindly. She has friends all over the place. It sounds to me like you have the same kind of girl. Be happy about that!
Posted by: samantha | 08/26/2007 at 06:56 PM
I remember my sons first day of K4 and how I worried... AND THEN I saw these ridiculous self absorbed mothers who cried and carried on and made it about them. Do not be one of those mothers - shed your tears in the car and stand proud of the strong, beautiful girl you raised b/c I can guarantee she will take it much better than you. Hugs.
Posted by: Laura | 08/26/2007 at 07:38 PM
Crying over here. KA-RYYY-INGAH! You should really put a warning before posting stuff like that.
Posted by: Missie | 08/27/2007 at 04:37 PM
Eyes teared up when I read this. I hate you. Quit making that happen!!
Posted by: Amnesia | 08/27/2007 at 05:40 PM
I have 11 and 13 year old boys.
I went from Mama to Mommy BACK TO MAMA.
I am still Mama. Mom is rare, but Mama? All the time. And they still cuddle.
Posted by: sugaredharpy | 08/27/2007 at 07:22 PM
I loved it.
Posted by: Traci B | 08/27/2007 at 10:50 PM
Maybe it won't go as far as Mother? I never called my mom that, just Mom, and sometimes Mommy (even still)....
Posted by: Melanie | 08/28/2007 at 12:20 AM
I still call my dad Daddy. Is that wrong? I'm over 30. Eek.
Posted by: Tara | 08/28/2007 at 12:30 AM
*TEARS!*
I only referred to my mom as "Mother" when I was really trying to be a brat. It was mostly "mom" - even though I still call her mommy and momma once in a while. I don't remember even calling my father "daddy."
Posted by: Amy H | 08/28/2007 at 10:59 AM
You'll always be here Mama. This is a new chapter for you both!
Posted by: Ruth Dynamite | 08/28/2007 at 04:19 PM
My son left for college today. It does not get any easier.
Posted by: samantha | 08/28/2007 at 10:34 PM
To my 11 and 15 year old boys, I have been "Mom" for quite some time. I am preparing myself for the challenges of middle school and high school and the thrills they both bring. However, my heart sings every time I hear "Mommy" and feel a kiss on my cheek or the arms of one of my boys sneak around my waist. My 11 year old still curls up on my lap and talks about baseball practice. My 15 year old is learning that I will love and respect him as long as he respects me and doesn't give me the "you're as dumb as a bag of hair" look. You and Savannah will be fine. You are an awesome mom.
Posted by: Shawna | 08/29/2007 at 01:13 PM
If it can make you feel better, I have been a Daddy's girl all through my teenage years.
But at around 18-19, I found more and more common points with my mom, and we are now as good as best friends.
If you have a good relationship with your daughter, things will progress naturally. Nothing can come between Mommy and Little girl.
Posted by: Lilycurly | 08/29/2007 at 02:17 PM