I came this close to ripping Savannah's doll out of her hands and tossing it out the window yesterday.
Yesterday was stressful for a few reasons:
I had a ton of writing to do (I know, WHERE IS IT? The point is, I never got to any of it), our mortgage just adjusted (to such an alarming amount you would think we were renting a villa in Cannes), and my house was a disaster (because the Ukrainian woman who used to come once a week now just calls and leaves cryptic messages instead of actually showing up).
In other words, I was broke and busy and depressed.
But, do you think that stopped me from chucking everything and taking my daughter to see "Firehouse Dog"? No, it did not.
And while we were at it I said "Why not go to Friends 2 B Made too and make you a sister since mommy's effed up uterus can't provide more than a coma-inducing crime scene period?". Even when the lady rang us up for the $50 doll I thought "That's okay! You can't put a price on fun!".
And it would have been okay.
If my daughter had not decided to send me a message. And, from what I can tell, the message was "Don't feel too good about yourself, mom".
Here's how it went down:
On the way home, aglow with the day, I said "Today was fun, wasn't it?".
And she said "It wasn't that fun".
Wasn't THAT fun.
I can't tell you how much red I saw. I couldn't even trust myself to respond right away because I knew something was going to go out the window ...and it was between myself and the doll.
I said something along the lines of "You need to be more appreciative! We work hard, blah blah blah." There were frustrated tears. There were half-hearted apologies.
And then later? She said it was "the worst day ever". The worst day EVER!!
I understand she's just a child, but I just couldn't shake my irritation. Do you know how frustrating it is to try to ignore your work and your dirty house to go spend money you don't have so you can MAKE MEMORIES for your child just to have them pout and complain that it was their worst day ever?
This isn't the first time this has happened either. It's like she wants to impress upon me that she is not easily satisfied. What I can't figure out is why she feels the need to let me know that she isn't happy despite my efforts to please her.
For the first time I feel like I just don't understand her - I cannot relate.
I was talking to my friend this morning, who had a rocky home life as I did growing up, and she said "Kids want everything to be perfect. Our kids have it so easy that they have no idea how wrong it can go and so quickly. When we were kids, you took your doll and you shut up."
I've been thinking about what she said and wondering if my daughter's behavior is a product of "too much too often". I wonder, is she spoiled? Does she feel entitled?
Or is it the opposite?
Does she feel so neglected that when she sees me put forth an effort she doesn't want me to stop trying?
Does anyone else feel like their kids have a little handbook entitled "How To Make Mommy Lose Her Freaking Mind"?