Gut Check

I once read that most every woman that has been raped, robbed, or murdered had a split second to escape.

But, she didn't trust her gut.

Yesterday the scariest thing happened.

My friend, Vi, and I were hanging out in my backyard while our girls played inside the house. Then Savannah came out and told us that there was someone at the door and she didn't know who it was.

(Incidentally, Chris' ears started steaming when he found out Savannah stuck her face in the front window to look - she can't help herself: it might be a party invite!)

So, we get up and I go to the front door and look out the peephole. Nobody's there. I open the door and both the girls immediately run outside. And I see a HUGE man with one eye lumbering back up the driveway toward us.

Alarms started ringing.

But, I ignored them...because I didn't want to be rude.

See, this man only had one eye because half of his face had been burned. I didn't want him to think I was afraid of him because of his disfigurement, so I remained on the front lawn. Vi, on the other hand, being a bright girl, quickly grabbed the little girls and sharply said "EVERYONE BACK INSIDE, LENA" as she rushed back in.

I started to back away as he came toward me. I quickly took in the fact that he was dressed head to toe in black and wearing a huge black coat. It was about 75 degrees outside.

But, he was talking as he approached me. And being the nice STUPID MORONIC girl I am, I didn't want to shut the door in his face.

"Oh, hi" he said as he lurched forward. "I'm kinda broke right now..."

"Uh-huh" I back up further.

He takes another step toward me.

"I'm just looking for some honest work".

He's grinning. And there's something "off" about his grin.

I quickly take two more steps backward and I'm back in the house.

"We don't have anything for you" I say as I close the door.

And lock it.

And he stands on my front porch.

Who walks down the street knocking on doors in a damn trench coat in the middle of the day when no one is home but stay-at-home MOMS? Who??

A murderer, that's who. A burglar. A rapist. A psycho looking to prey on "polite" young women at home with their kids.

Or maybe just mow their lawn. But, STILL. You never know.

I couldn't get this out of my head for the rest of the day. He could've grabbed me. He could've strong-armed his way into the house. And I had a split second. I had a FEW seconds. Where I just stood there. Ignoring my internal alarm so as not to be rude. Or overreact.

I'm so mad at me! Why did I hesitate?

I have two other experiences where I didn't listen to my gut and put myself in potentially dangerous situations. One was a massage (yes! An almost-rape massage! How relaxing!). And another was a late-night-alone-in-an-office interview (HINT: I didn't get the job).

I'm still a little shaken up, but I might share those stories later. Right now, I want to hear yours.

Have you ever been in a situation where your gut was telling you to react? Did you? Do you think it saved you? Or did you ignore it? Were you concerned about being "rude" or "overreacting"?

EDITED TO ADD: You guys? Your stories are FREAKING ME OUT! I'm obsessively reading them and re-checking my front door lock. Skerred.

Comments

Yep, I've got one. We live in an apartment, and we frequently get high school students ect..selling magazine subscriptions, candy, you know.

So one night I'm home with Claire, dh's working late, and there's a knock at the door. It was only about 7pm, but it was winter so it was already dark out. I get up and look through the peep hole, but at the same time, I'm opening the door. For some reason, at that second, I regretted opening the door, but it was already too late. It was a man selling newspaper subscriptions, which I declined. No biggie, right?

Wrong. About 2 hours later, I'm watching the news and there's a BREAKING NEWS report. A man (selling newspapers!) forced his way into an apartment (2 buildings down from me!) and raped two teenage girls in front of their mother. He fell asleep, and they escaped and called police, who later shot him when he was escaping. Literally, two buildings down from where I lived. Seriously, I'm shaking writing this, it totally freaks me out, and I don't trust anyone. I don't care what you look like.

Oh and yes, I was so mad at myself for opening the door. I just think of my baby, and what a horrible situation we could've been in. Because of me. It really makes me sick to think about it.

[Tina]

I try to always follow my gut instincts, because they are usually right. And I work on a psych unit and sometimes instinct is all I have to handle volatile situations. And I'm just paranoid in general. I've watched way too many episodes of Law and Order and CSI. And Court TV. I need to stop because after what happened this week, I plan on home schooling my son through grad school.

[Lei]

Yes, I have been in similar situations... I've never hesitated, but I have been afraid to look them in the eye. Sheesh, a little self confidence might not hurt! Lol!

Sorry that happened... eeek, scary.

[chunk]

When I was 16 my older sister and I went to the grocery store for my mom. It was Christmas time so the bell ringers were outside the store. My sister was kind of a snob and gave the guy a dirty look when we walked out and he asked for money. I was right behind her, and when he asked for change, I told him, "I'm sorry, I don't have any." I barely got done APOLOGIZING when he starts yelling at me at the top of his lungs. He just started screaming about how we just bought stuff and how can we not have any change and he followed us half way to our car. I was so shaken and upset. We obviously were young, I tried to be polite, not to mention the fact that he was asking for a handout. I decide who, where, when and if I want to give something of mine! My mom called the store to complain, they said they couldn't do much because he was on public property. I have never forgotten that and I have always had my guard up since then. I'm 32 now, and I think just this last Christmas I put a dollar in the bucket because the man had been really nice to me on the way in to the store. My mom was with me and she was shocked. I guess it was good because it taught me at an early age to be careful and that I can't be a Pollyanna and trust everyone.

[Amy H]

CHUNK - That guy was a psycho! Please don't let that stop you from donating to the Salvation Army! Come to my store next winter, I'll smile at you regardless of whether you have money or not!!

I think everyone has stories like this...I have a lot. The one I learned from the most is that if someone appears to be very controlling STAY AWAY. I was stalked TWICE ... the first one I was 14 and some guy who was visiting a friend came over to my house to hang out (I used to throw parties..a lot). I barely talked to him from what I remember, but I remember he was REALLY pushy. After that night, he followed me around my neighborhood and made weird phone calls and tried to get me to go to MI with him ("Come home with me, we don't need to tell your mom."). The second time was different, but I got the same first impression.

I have good tips, but I posted them on someone else's blog and I'm 15 min. late leaving work...you should check it out though!!

http://cherann2006.blogspot.com/2007/04/day-of-reflection.html

[Sonja]

When I was 16, I got off the train and started walking home. It was late afternoon. A young man started talking to me, asking me if I wanted to come in for a cup of coffee, he lived close-by. I'd had a bad feeling about him right away, and I wasn't really surprised he was a sleazy weirdo, but I wasn't really afraid of him (yet). Not wanting to be rude (and perhaps escalate the situation), I told him no thanks, and that's when he really freaked me out. He told me he'd seen me before, I was on this train every once in a while, but I usually got off at another stop (which was true). Had he been watching me? Gah! So I went into self-defense mode (I'd taken a class). I stared him down, firmly and loudly said NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! and hovered for a moment (until he turned away like the coward he was). Then I walked home, and I don't think I even told anyone right away.
I think I'm more scared about this now than I was when it happened. Weird.

[Ohmygosh!]

I am so happy that you and your family are safe! The thoughts that went through your mind are the same thoughts that would have went through mine. "Let's be nice to the kooky guy so he doesn't feel bad, be nice and don't judge." Why do we do that?? Well I do have a story, it is similar to another poster so obviously this is a good way to gain entry into people's homes and do something terrible. I was approached by a guy while I was in my front yard doing yard work. He stated he needed money and was willing to do any work that needed to be done. I was actually considering what he might do and then when I came up with nothing I said sorry I don't have anything. So later that night I am watching the news and up comes his face. He was wanted for a murder. SCARY! I do hate to scrub toilets, it's a good thing I didn't offer him the job.

[Amy]

When I was a kid (10 or 12) a woman came to the door and asked to use the phone because her car had broken down. My mom was down in the basement doing laundry. I wanted to be nice, so I let her in and showed her the phone. My mom came up a few minutes later, right about the time the lady hung up the phone, said thank you and left. Turns out she had stolen my mom's wallet from her purse that was RIGHT NEXT TO THE PHONE. (GOd I'm such an idiot). They spent a couple hundred dollars on mom's credit cards before we were able to cancel them etc. Thank goodness this was in the time before identity theft. I got in HUGE trouble, which I thought was so unfair--I was trying to be nice! She said she needed help!
Sadly, I'm not sure I learned anything from that incident. I know I would have reacted exactly the same way you did to that strange guy. I always try to give people with obvious handicaps/disfigurements the benefit of the doubt. Probably not very smart.
I'm glad you guys are okay.

[Michelle]

I have ignored my gut many times for the sake of manners. As I get older, I am less polite about such things but still there are many times ugly things should have happened to my stupid, polite self.

[b]

Ack, I always listen to my gut. It's something I learned from my overly-friendly dog. We used to joke that if someone broke in, he'd show them the valuables.
A man came to my door selling magazines (like comment #1). I lived alone at the time and I answered the door. My dog, usually way too friendly, sat silently staring at the man. Not normal.
Anyway, I politely declined, and went to shut the door when he put his hand on it and stopped me from closing the door. My dog stood up and emitted the most menacing calm growl with teeth bared. I said, "He's not the safest dog to mess with." After the door was shut my dog went and started chewing his bone like he had been before.
It taught me that you can be really friendly and outgoing, but your gut will let you know when to reign it in.

[Jennifer]

Read the Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.

Glad you and your family are safe. That is creepy and scary.

[Melanie]

Wow, I can't imagine how frightening that must have been. I tend to be kind of trusting, too, I think because of growing up in a small town where my family knew pretty much everyone, etc. I think since having Boyo, though, I've gotten a little less gullible and I'm more prone to just walk away or slam the door and lock it if I don't feel comfortable - but I think I look more suspiciously at people now, too, which makes me kind of sad.

[Colleen]

What scary stories. But I'm glad you're all sharing them. It's a good reminder for us all to trust our instincts. I tend to err on the side of not wanting to be rude to others because I'm such a ridiculous people-pleaser but now that I have a child I need to get past that and stick up for both of us even if that means I sometimes appear rude.

Thanks for the post!

[Sheri]

Here's my "scary" story - I was watching a friend of mom's cats and apartment while she was gone for a month. Well, I didn't realize how allergic to cats I was until I woke up the next morning with her cats laying on the bed next to me. I couldn't go to work because I looked like death warmed over so I headed out to the drugstore to buy allergy medicine and some groceries (might as well scare a few morning shoppers eh?) When I got back to the apartment complex parking lot, I got out of the car and went to the trunk to get everything out. Out of the corner of my eye I see two big men come walking out of the woods. They look like homeless guys but they aren't paying attention to me so I keep fumbling with the bags. Then I hear them walking up behind me. I automatically take my car key off of my keyring, ready to just hand it and my purse to them but when I turned around they both kinda went "Aaaah!" and turned around and walked away. I know in my heart if I hadn't looked such a fright that something bad would've happened.

[anne nahm]

Glad you are OK!! That kind of thing is so scary. It made me think of the time I was mugged. That sounds like a real downer, but it actually turned into a gift. And you totally inspired me to write it all out here this evening:

http://annenahm.com/?p=282

Also? I tripped him. Ha! Take that, purse snatcher.

[Becky]

This isn't my story, but it was a friend of my mothers.

We were in England and she was scheduled to go home for Christmas on Flt.103. If you remember this was the flight that exploded over Scotland. She one day decided to just not go...her gut had told her that. Scary stuff huh/

[Dani]

When I was prego with my second son who was due Sept, I gained a lot of water weight. The Doctor suggested I walk late in the evening when it was cool. So almost every night my oldest son then 4, my Mom, and me and my huge belly went fro walks about 8:30-9 all summer long. Late in August I would have to stop and take breaks, so I sat down on one of the company's steps to take a breather and my son was walking along playing with his toy medal detector about 20 feet away from me. He was at the corner of an alley intersection that isn't well traveled after business hours. A car came up one street and slowed saying Hey! Hey little boy..they couldn't see me from where I was sitting. I stood up and my Mom looked and I looked at her and then the guy in the passenger seat put both arms out of the car. My dear son the friendly trusting little boy he is says see my Medal detector and I just started screaming hey stop hey get out of here I couldn't run I could only walk over with my belly. My mom started running over and they sped off. She said later that she didn;t sense anything until I started freaking out but as soon as I did she just knew that something was wrong very wrong. We called the police and they even had it on the news. The police put out a description of the car and the 2 men in it and we never heard of anything after. One time my Aunt said are you sure they just didn't think that maybe he was lost? NO! No I don't I know better. Is it cold in here or is it just me?

When I was 10 I was a latch-key kid. I was home alone for a couple of hours every day after school. The house we lived in had our power meters in the basement. About once a month someone would come to check them, usually a man, and they usually came in the weekday afternoons. My mom instructed me to always check their work ID before letting them in. I never did; I was very shy and respectful of authority. One day a man came to the house (in uniform) asking to check the meters and I KNEW something was wrong. I mustered all of my courage and asked to see his ID. His face darkened and he said something along the lines of "I can't believe you would ask me that" and (thank GOD) he turned and left. I am shaking as I write this, it sickens me to think of what might have happened. I have to say, though, that the lesson I learned that day has never left me (I am 31 now.) I always trust my instincts and I don't give a f*** if I offend anyone. Offending someone who doesn't really deserve it is much preferable to not offending someone who very much does deserve it.

[LoriB]

Dani, you just made shivers go up my spine! Actually, everybody did. I have never had any creepy experiences happen, although I have deserved for them too. I just have a terrible habit of being nice to people, because I don't want to offend anybody.

[Kelly]

Delurking to share my little story....last fall I was home alone on one of my days off. In the middle of cooking lunch my doorbell rang. I answered the door (while trying to hold the dog back) to see an *odd* looking man. He was dressed rather warm for a brisk day but what I noticed more than anything was what he was wearing...all brand newish looking Carhart brand clothing (which since my husband is in construction~I am familiar with how outrageously expensive theses clothes are!). He began asking for money and when I told him that I didn't have any...he said he would take a check! I promptly told him no to maybe come back later when I wasn't so busy (yes~me trying hard to be kind) and shut the door. I immediately called dh and ran to the window to watch him walk down the street. What was odd is that he didn't go to any other house on my street (there are about 10) and hubby freaked! He was upset with me for answering the door and told me to call the police. I called the non-emergency # and was scolded by the woman on the other end for answering the door for someone I didn't know. While watching out the window I saw the police car pull up and stop on the main street in our allotment.

Later on that evening it was on the news....they had caught a sexual predadtor who had a warrant out for his arrest. For rape.

Strange part is...I spoke with several neighbors a few days later only to learn that mine was the ONLY house he had come to! I learned my lesson because I did get a bad feeling as soon as I saw him and still was kind because I felt bad. I won't be doing that anymore!

[Terese]

HI! Haven't been here in a while - life has been nuts.
I do have a story - what a first day to be back here too huh?
Our friends across the st. had moved away & got an amazing deal on their house. The young couple that bought it looked like they were moving in & I, being the social person I usually am, went over to welcome them and say hello.
I was familar too w/the house and all the previous people had done to it and was sentimental that they were gone. I was trying to get over my saddness.
As I approached the husband "Greg" he was very nice, about my age and so glad that I stopped by. I said my hellos and welcome to the street and so on...and told him how we had been friends w/the prior owners and they got a great house because they took impeccable care of it...yadda, yadda, and so on.
He immediately asked me in. He was urgent and said he wanted to show me what they had been doing already to the house. (I thought - 'it was perfect - what could you possibly do?')
I was hesitant but the front door was wide open and he was in and out getting stuff out of the moving VAN!
I went in and looked around and chatted. I was okay - then, he asked me to come upstairs and see what they were doing with the bedroom. He was insistant and urgent and 'oh come on- it's really cool and I'm so proud of the work!'
Like an idiot I proceeded up the stairs but immediately noticed my heart was racing and jumping out of my chest. I literally saw red - heard in my head "Red flag! Red flag! Danger! Danger!" So, I got to the top of the steps - barely breathing and I peeked around the corner - he was standing above me to the right....I just said "Oh yeah that's great...I've got to go I didn't mean to stay and I'm expected back home for a thing..."
I tore down the steps shouting "good luck with the move in" and could not get across the street fast enough.
Funny thing - I was SO shaken, mad at myself for going in in the first place - I didn't know them! I was very uncomfortable from that time on....neither the wife or the hubby spoke to us EVER. They moved away w/in a year. I will never forget the pounding in my chest....the little red flags I saw in my mind's eye when he asked me up to his bedroom.
I worry about raising my kids - how do we warn them w/out scaring them to death? Or should we scare them ?
I came home and felt uncomfortable the whole time they lived there.
I am not the welcome wagon any more either, I'll tell ya that. Sad, but true.

[Alias Mother]

I was getting off the subway and I felt someone walking just behind me. I was in a less traveled spot, so I turned my head a little and out of the corner of my eye I could see a man walking just a leeetle too close and watching me. I stopped, turned, and looked him directly in the eye. He instantly veered off away from me and disappeared into the crowd.

Afterwards I realized that this is exactly what self-defense instructors tell you to do: let them know you are aware of them and that you aren't an easy target. But at the time, it was pure instinct. I'm pretty sure I would have been mugged, at the very least.

[Lena]

Becky - my problem is I have that "gut feeling" about EVERY FLIGHT.

Seriously.

[Anonymous Boxer]

Yes - coming down in an elevator with a man who made me feel odd. He had pressed a different floor , but got out with me. I zagged left quickly, so did he. I turned around immediately and reentered the open elevator, pushing buttons franitcally just in time to see his angry face as the door was closing. Haven't been to that shopping center again.