Let's Just Say I'm Sick and Leave It At That

I once read a blog where the author asked her readers how often they have sex. All the women came out of the woodwork (what does that phrase mean anyway? I imagine people bursting out of walls and doorframes). Anyway, I swear she had over 100 comments of women pouring their hearts out divulging the intimate and sometimes embarrassing aspects of their sex lives. Almost everyone claimed the same average frequency: once or twice a week. Then the author returned the next day and said something like "Oh my. I had no idea. We do it twice a day every day.".

I remember feeling irritated with her, as if she had drawn everyone out knowing full well that she was going to trump them.

I feel a little like that right now. Except the opposite. Because I knew what I've been doing to our financial situation could not possibly be the norm, but I just had to know for sure.

Because: $3,000.00.

Three THOUSAND dollars.

That is what I've been spending (what we've been spending - Chris does go to McDonalds once a week and one time even purchased printer toner without my knowledge. the luxuries I put up with from that man, I swear) every month on inessentials.

From your comments I suggest you 1) Print out the last three month's bank statements and 2) put a tick mark next to everything you could have done without. Because if you had asked me a week ago what I blow every month I would have guessed $500. Again for emphasis: Three Thousand Dollars. *gag*

Let's break down mine, shall we? Here are some excerpts from November's statement:

(Click to see full carnage)

This is THREE WEEKS.

And irony of all ironies! I'm now paying $9 every month to myfooddiary so that I can DOCUMENT all the FOOD and COFFEE I've been shoving down my fat piehole!

Chris died a little when he realized that if I went back to work for FREE we would make $3,000 more a month because my mere absence from this house would save as much as my full time salary would bring in.

Sobering, no?

And the saddest part is we are totally nickel and diming ourselves to death! I do not have a closet full of designer clothes. I shop for discounts and sales. All of this time I could have been buying Manolos! Or 300 pairs of panties for Britney Spears! Instead I'm buying coffee and turkey dogs. TURKEY DOGS! (I do it for the PIGS! Think of the piiiiiiigs!)

The good news of course is that we do have disposable income. Which can easily become investment income. Or "Make a Damn Sandwich at Home Once In a While" Income. So, as Chris said we're "Going Commando" (he's so cute when he's angry - he wore fatigues today and everything). We're making over my mad spending skillz.

Last night we bought the Total Money Makeover (yes! we went and bought another book! see how quickly we learn?) and already it's blowing me away. (So it's actually possible to live a life with CASH? And no DEBT? Huh. And what is this you claim about the SUN warming the EARTH?)

I can't believe I've been doing this. I'm still in shock. TURKEY DOGS???

Comments

[Amy H]

O. M. G.

Girl, that's more than I BRING HOME every month!!! (after taxes, medical and 401k, etc.)

Now I DO feel poor.

But I still don't eat ANY kind of dogs! :)

[Amy Lou]

Livin' large on turkey dogs and Supercuts...you're such a diva, Lena. What's next? Suave haircare and the Burger King value menu??

But honestly...I've had months like that. Not a lot of them, but it's happened. I think you're on the right track with the whole "cash" idea. (Is it said that I put cash in quotes?)

Good luck--may be a rough road ahead. Hopefully that road won't have a lot of Starbucks.

[Becki]

You know, if you were having sex twice a day every day, you wouldn't have time to spend all that money.

My husband makes a pretty decent salary, and I don't have designer clothes or a fancy car or go out for expensive meals. I suspect I'm frittering away cash just like you, and now I'm going to have to pay attention and find out for sure.

[Tammy]

I was going to suggest Dave Ramsey. He has a website and radio show as well. If you can get ahold of the Financial Peace series of his, it is well worth it. It includes a CD where you can put in your bills and interest rates and how much you pay to each and it will help you figure out how long it will take to pay them off and figure out where to apply the extra $ to get things paid off fastest.

It is really a great plan. Good luck!

[LJC]

Delurking to say that my husband and I JUST had a conversation about this very thing. Now, your $3000 is about half of our monthly takehome, so our $ spent on frivolities is alot smaller...but we looked at our bank statements and realized all of the "luxuries" we were allowing ourselves (OK my nails are a necessity and well, so is Starbucks, but just once a week after I have traipsed thru the grocery store-I deserve it). I have always been the one to handle the bills, and I use the word "handle" lightly. I never looked at bank statements, I knew I had enough to cover what I was spending and that's all that mattered. Well, I have turned that responsibility over to him now. I know I will have more restrictions, but I will think twice before spending on something I don't need.....but I did need that cute top and jewelry from the Limited for the Christmas party this weekend. But after that, I am a changed woman.

I enjoy reading what you have to say each day. You make me laugh out loud and sometime cry in my coffee, but usually I totally relate.

[Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom]

Well, look on the bright side. With all that extra time not waiting on line at Starbucks and Target, and with your husband in those fatigues...you may be getting more sex in. Think about it...More SEX less SHOPPING!!!!

[Mir]

Um. Yeah. I'm with Amy H---that's more than I bring home in a month.

You have a rough road in front of you because you have a lot of changing to do, but I swear it's possible to spend less (so much less) and not feel deprived.

And I hope you know I'm not trying to kick you when you're down. I think it's incredibly brave of you to come clean on this, even if it's a cry for help. (And girl, I WANT TO HELP YOU. Those receipts made my eyeballs bleed. Let me help you. Come to the dark site. Or to Want Not. Either way.)

That's more than my mortgage payment (but not much more, I live in SoCal)!

[bobealia]

Hahaahahahahahhahahahahah.
I make 850$ a month.
It's always like this. Most of us spend what we have. We did my mother-in-laws expenses and she has $4000 expendible income a month and she's retired. However, she digs into her savings every month. Same way you do. It's crazy! I know I would be the same way. No judging.

[Melissa]

Ok, this isn't going to win me any points...although I will argue that gas and food are necessities, but ours is probably closer to 5,000....especially if you add in car payments. But some of it is life....starbucks and some of the others, maybe not...but gas and food and yeah....ok never mind. But see you're not that bad.

[jes]

I missed your post yesterday - Roger and I spend about $2000, which is less than you, but then again: You live in California, where certainly even the turkey dogs are more expensive!

we need a total money makeover, too. want to send me the book when you're done? (see? i DO learn fast.)

or, maybe you can just coach us. like a life coach. except without the fatigues.

[Jennifer]

I'm so going to sound like a Dave Ramsey weirdo, but he seriously changed our lives. We no longer fight about money, are debt-free (except for the house), and are able to invest and save for things we want. Hope you like his book!

[Mrs. Chicky]

I'm afraid to look at my bank statements. If I do I may have to give up my lattes and Target expeditions.

Aw, damn. You've guilted me into it.

[Virenda]

Lena this is a great topic to talk about and your a brave women to announce your spending skillz...

As you know I did the bills and um, yeah I ran that right into the ground. Now that my husband does it are bills are paid in full, and occasionally I get to spend my money, and NOT feel guilty. I think it's great that you and Chris are doing this as a team and I think it'll help a lot.

Let me know how that book turns out.

[Linsey]

Well, that sucks. Why'd you make me do that? I went back and did some adding. It was much uglier than I had guessed. I think I won't mention to my husband that I added it up. He might, I don't know what he'd do but it would be about as ugly as adding up my "dumb purchases". Well, off to Starbucks myself, see ya round ;)

[Melanie]

That's only slightly less than what I make a month... but I guess it's more about percentages than anything else, and the percentage of my $$ that I blow on junk is as staggering as yours. I'm so glad I tend to use cash so I can't see my horrible bank statement truth, though! Good luck with the book, I hope it works for you guys. I need a book, too, but I'm too cheap to buy one. I'd rather blow the $25 on a whole lotta Starbucks. Speaking of which, do they put something in their coffee? Something addictive? Because we all seem to have a Starbucks problem...

[mamatulip]

I totally agree with Vi. Mad props to you, girl, for boldly announcing this to the Interworld. It is a great topic and the way you have broached it is funny as hell.

[Summer]

You know, I spend so much that I didn't feel comfortable spilling the beans about how much I spent in non-essentials. I can spend around 1k a month. I can now say that you take the cake.

I thought about getting that book, too. Maybe after Christmas though. I don't want to take the fun money away from me, yet!

[Caryn]

Wow! I have to hand it to you, though: not only do you have the guts to admit this to the internet, but also to remake your finances. Best of luck with it.

[MJ]

Whoa! Bet it makes you WISH you asked how often we have sex in a week, huh?

[Heather]

AH, Lena. I feel for you. I really do.

I must say, Total Money Makeover, was an EXCELLENT purchase on your part. It has turned our lives around. Completely. We have halved our debt in just a year and have not added any new debt in that time.

And we're living within our means, which (as Dave Ramsey points out) doesn't mean we completely deny ourselves of all inessentials. It just means we PLAN to spend a certain amount each month on turkey dogs (or coffee or eating out) and don't go over that. It's not the stifling thing I expected it to be.

Nor is this comment as short as I intended it to be. Just wanted to give you a little hope. You can do it and it doesn't have to be excruciatingly painful, either.

[Shrinkingmom]

Hey, you can save your $9 and use Fitday.com for free. I think it's pretty much the same thing.

[Jay]

I'd like to consider myself a reasonable guy. With that said, I would CRUSH my wife if she started spending money that way.

[Mom101]

Oh, the making a sandwich at home thing can be a lifesaver.

Signed,
orders takeout so much I would be embarassed to show my own statements.

[borneochica]

I remember the sex brouhaha. Heh. But she also has a 15K frig, so she's got it all: sex AND shopping.

I spend so much just at Target it makes me want to cry. And this is a season that causes me to lose my mind: I walk into stores, any store, every store and I must. buy. everything (but not for me, at least). It's a sickness, so when you find the cure, let me know.

I agree with bobealia, above, I think, who said most people spend what they have and then a little more. Here's a short story I will make longer just because I ramble: I live near a neighborhood of McMansions, about 30% if which are now in or headed to foreclosure, thanks to the tanking market. At a book club recently, a woman was going off on all these "stupid people" who spend more than they can afford. But this was mere minutes after she had lauded Needless Markup for letting her use her debit card (she and her hub don't use credit) because she doesn't generally carry *$800* with her. She goes to NM weekly and spends $800 a pop (buying her 6 year old $150 holiday dresses--what a bargain!) and yet she feels qualified to give others advice on money management. I was so proud of the tongue biting I managed to do that night, even though I still think I have the scars.

I have to agree with the other posters who find you brave to write about this. What I love about the post, too, is the way you manage to make me laugh while I'm cringing with you. If you were a boy, or if I were more like Courtney Love, I would have nominated you for my Blog Crush yesterday. I think I heart you!