Well. Duh.

This video is blowing up all over the internet.

What I find interesting is while the entire internet seems to be saying "Finally! Dove's showing real life!" I say "Dove, don't lie. Some girls really do have it that easy."

Having had this subject of body image on my mind recently, I appreciate this company's efforts to engage women's minds in a healthy way and remind them to look behind the makeup curtain. However, I feel like this is the statement being made:

There, there. Don't feel badly about yourself. Models aren't that perfect either! See? You can feel better about yourself now! All better! *hand clapping*

And it just engages our inherent competitive nature as women and encourages our criticism of each other.

Because I'm here to tell you, some women really ARE that naturally beautiful.

Some women actually do look amazing when they wake up in the morning.

But, why begrudge them this? Why deny it? Why pretend that the modeling industry is all smoke and mirrors? I've known models. It's mostly not.

Trying to convince people that effortless beauty doesn't really exist seems a little misleading to me. It does exist. We just need to teach our girls to look beyond it. Why deny reality?

Denying this robs our daughters and ourselves of an important lesson: there will always be someone prettier than you. Someone naturally more attractive. Always. The real beauty is in being able to respond "So what?".

The larger issue is realizing that even THOSE people think that they're ugly half the time. And it's not because of the beautiful airbrushed people they see in advertisements. It's because of how they perceive themselves. And no amount of lighting or makeup or neck stretching can soothe that.

I'd rather my daughter see our female kinship through our spirits, not our appearance. I'd like her to see that we are not in competition or advertising ourselves.

I'd rather she have the ability to recognize physical beauty for what it is - a superficial surface - and value it as such. I don't want to take away from her experiences in learning about the world by begrudging other women their effortless beauty.

I'd rather she internalize that she does not give away her power by acknowledging another woman's physical strengths. But, rather that through this act she is building on her real beauty - her character; her inner beauty.

As much as I appreciate the sentiment behind the commercial - that models are crafted into beauty and if we had that kind of assistance we would be beautiful too - I have to say that after my initial reaction to this video, which was "Hm, cool", I immediately thought "And, duh.". I mean it is of course important that young people know that not all the models they see on the pages of the magazines actually look that good in real life. But, do we as women really need to be reminded of this? Of course if you put a girl into hair and makeup for five hours and elongate her neck three inches with editing software, she is going to look better. I mean, you knew that right?

The bigger question is what are we lacking INSIDE ourselves that makes us feel better by reminding ourselves of other women's flaws? Why are we looking to the magazines for our standards anyway? Why must we discount other's strengths to feel we're fortifying our own weaknesses?

Personally, I would prefer to accept reality - there are many, many gorgeous women who look amazing with little effort - and yet still not care. I would prefer to let the models do what they do, recognize their fabulousness and then concentrate on my own strengths.

If we try to tell our daughters that these models are nothing more than airbrushed lies, we would be cheating them out of the truth: sometimes you cannot remove the differences in life; sometimes you must simply learn to move beyond them.

I'd rather my daughter take a look at an ad and instead of begrudging the model's beauty, simply say "What a beautiful girl. And so am I."

So, here's my ad idea:

How great would it be to see a fabulously beautiful woman. Perfect in every way. Side by side with an average looking woman. And listed beside each of them are their life experiences - their strengths, their weaknesses, their fears.

- cries herself to sleep

- hides the bruises her boyfriend leaves

- thinks her sister is her father's favorite

- bites her nails

- writes novels and burns them

- abuses alcohol

- was molested by her neighbor

- hates to say goodbye

- sends flowers to herself

- still sleeps with her blanket

- opens her windows when it rains

- throws up when she's nervous

- wanted to be a dancer

- grew up on the wrong side of the tracks

- never got over it

- found a lump this morning

To remind us that we're all people, not because, gosh, we do all have bags under our eyes, but because we are all united by human experience. That I would applaud.

Comments

[Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom]

Why am I crying over your ad idea?

I love it.

It's real, honest and so true.

Why aren't you famous yet? (Not that you're not famous here love, I'm just sayin')

[Amy H]

I think you should have pitched that before you told the world about it!

I agree with you somewhat. I still wish we could get away from all the anorexic models, but there are people who are just better looking. I'm at a point right now in my life where girls from say, The Man Show, or Maxim type girls disgust me. I think that *may* be jealousy because I was like that (not famous, but attitude-wise at the least) pre-baby. I'm a lot more conservative than I was now aside from being phyically different. But they burn me. I have no problem commenting on when 'normal' people are pretty, it's those damn whores trying to seduce my man thru the TV! Really, I think my thing is that I'm scared he will be interested in that because it was what I was like when me met. Okay, off this rambling subject now.

My new thing that ticked me off was the Keri lotion commercial I saw last night. They had women posing in famous art scenes like Botticelli's Birth of Venus. The models were of course slim, tight young women. But this painting was from an era where women's bodies were conisdered more beautiful after they'd had children. Venus had the 'saggy belly,' she was pasty white and while not fat, she was not slender or tight.
They took a beautiful painting of a beautiful women and put our new idea of beautiful in its place.

[Amy H]

OOH... I forgot that I wanted to add:
The majority of women I have known who were "men stop walking" beautiful, were very shallow, egotisical, or just plain stupid. Not that all are, I'm sure there really is a gorgeous biochemist with a great personality out there, but I wanted to reiterate your point that being physically pretty doesn't make you perfect. Except for that biochemist bitch.

[Lena]

I saw that Keri ad too - hated it.

[Kim]

How did you ever think of that? It's perfect!

Unfortunately I am one of the sad ones who envy models' and celebrities' beauty and great bodies. And I am considering altering mine with plastic surgery. Seriously. Like soon. The boob thing makes me feel totally inadequate.

One of the things that bothers me about it is how do I explain this to my eleven year old daughter without making her feel like she will have to do the same thing to her body someday? And I don't have the answer.

[Dawn]

I'll be a model for Your ad. Sign me up.

We are more than the media tells us we are.

[Sarah]

I personally feel that Dove is no different than any other beauty company they are just trying to find the right niche to market their product. I am sure their are more "normal looking" woman who buy their product then "supermodels" so why not go after your target audience.

As far as woman's perception of themselves and of other woman it sad that too often women cut down other women to make themselves feel better; too fat, too skinny, too much money, not enough money it is endless.

I think the only way to look at a woman and see her true beauty and intelligence is you have to be happy with your own self.---All great things to teach your daughter by the way!

Now I am going to go back and read your post again there was so much depth to it I will have to read it a couple times to truly digest the magnitude of your statements.

Very thought provoking thanks for the wonderful post!

[Amy C]

Great post and so true! I would not have been able to express my ideas like you just did, so thorough and thought out.
I saw that Keri commercial the other night and thought, the hell? Those women are not what they are supposed to look like.

[Vycki]

Damnit Lena! Its freakin Saturday, I really do not feel like having to use this many freaking brain cells. You know we lose them through our breast milk, right? (not really, that's actually a quote from Gweneth Paltrow) I just saw the Dove thing today and jumped on the bandwagon and now I feel like an idiot for jumping on the freaking bandwagon. Cause, yeah there are plenty of naturally beautiful girls out there that don't need a bit of help and if I forgot that all I needed to do was look at the beautiful tall blond in my family pictures (my sister is one of if not the most beautiful woman I've ever met). Sigh. Anyway great post, glad you're back.

[Jay]

Fuck yeah.

Oh shit, can I say that here?

Wait -- now I've gone and done it twice.

Anyway, well said.

[Amanda]

I love your ad idea! I think most women look at the models and think "if I was that pretty, my life would be perfect..." And that's the big beauty myth.

[Katherine]

Bravo! I loved your take on that.

[Heather]

Wow.

Thanks for that.

I first saw that ad and thought, "My daughter is going to watch this. Over and over." But, you're so absolutely right. She needs to understand that her beauty is absolutely unique and far beyond what anyone would ever see on the outside.

It doesn't make me more confident to know that other women are more or less than I am. I feel confident knowing that I am beautiful as I am. That I am enough. That my life and my character is what makes me worthwhile and makes me who I am.

Love your ad idea. You should send this post to Dove.

[Amy]

So, while I was reading your post, I was thinking about how my husband and I can look at the same woman and one of us will think she's beautiful and the other will think she's not.

Then, I started thinking "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

Then, I got to the end and all I could think was, "WOW! Amen!"

I saw the Keri ad in print and the first time I saw it, I could have sworn there was something wrong with the "model". Looks to me like her left leg is a right leg with a left foot. Yes, I analyzed it. The ad makes me want to stay away from Keri. But I digress...

Lena, awesome post and ad idea!

[keda]

exactly!

i also saw that ad and liked it but did even at the time think, 'hmmmm but..'

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
nobody is perfect.
someone will always have a bit more of something than we have, be it beauty, love, wealth, ease of life.
everyone sort of wishes they could change something about themselves.
yet it is love of ourselves that is the most attractive thing we can posses.

being 'stop men walking' gorgeous at times never found me a man to love and stay with me.

we all need to appreciate the beauty in life and ourselves and others in all its forms.

great post darling.
beautiful.

[Amanda]

I am almost giving a standing ovation here. YES!!

This has got to be the most perfect post yet. I totally agree.

[borneochica]

God, Lena, this was a great post. I've seen that video and all the responses, but yours was especially poignant, (and I really hope that last item in your ad wasn't true about you). I had the same reaction to the video, too: well, duh. Beautiful people don't bother me; I don't feel especially jealous of them, and whether it's "real" or not is immaterial, since so often perception is reality. What I really want my girls to learn, when they see shit like that, is that advertisers and the media and pop culture hates girls, hates women. I know, that sounds harsh and a word I can't think of even though I'm buzzing on coffee--hyperbolic?--but so often I'm struck with the real injuries that are done to women in the name of beauty and I can't help but think there's a terrible evil behind it, whether it's intentional or neglectful. If my daughters can understand that, hopefully they'll be less likely to buy what's being sold.

I don't want to hijack your comments-- I have my own blog for my meandering thoughts--but we do talk a lot in our house about the value of beauty and about how people have different talents and abilities and that we should celebrate each of our good fortunes rather than being bitter about the ones we don't possess. My girls are only 3 and 6, so hopefully, after 10 more years of that, they'll be properly brainwashed.

A mother can dream.

[Suebob]

I think we need to stop denying that beauty is a real commodity and that women who have it should take advantage of it, especially economic advantage.

The reality is that beautiful women have doors opened to them and will get chances that plain women won't get. For them to exploit that should be just as ok as it is for hyper-intelligent women (and I'm not saying beautiful women can't be both) to use their brains.

But all women should also be taught that, no matter how physically beautiful you are, you need to develop other resources, because beauty fades.

[Sara]

I loved your message today. I have two daughters and everyday I make it a point to tell them how beautiful they are on the inside as well as the outside.

[Miwa]

I loved that post Lena! You summed up exactly how I feel! I want my 5 year old daughter to know that no matter what she looks like, she is beautiful inside and that she needs to look at others the same way!

[Lena]

Borneochica - No, none of that has anything to do with me. My boobies are great! Thanks!

[Melanie]

I have to say that I love both your idea and the Dove ad. It may be true that most models are freakin' gorgeous without trying, but it does help to realize that even the freakin' gorgeous need some help, and that the magazine ad you see isn't really true. Unfortunately, knowing that you're beautiful doesn't stop the feeling inadequate (at least for me) when you see someone in a magazine who is just that perfect, you know? I have to commend Dove for even trying to break out of that stereotype - I really like their ads. I can see where you are coming from, too 100%, but had to put my 2 cents in as well. :)

[Mary]

Very poignant. Thank you.

[Karen]

I agree with Melanie, word for word.

I love your post, Lena, and I agree with pretty much everything you said. But the reason I love the Dove ad is because although there are some models who don't need much "touching up," they all get SOME touching up. So, what we see in magazines is never 100% reality. It's scary that women -- even though deep down we "know" that the touching up is going on -- look at these pictures and think these gorgeous women are that perfect. Even after seeing all of this "before and after" stuff that's been all over the internet recently, I still look at magazines and wish I looked like some of these women. No wonder so many of us have body image issues. It's like we're being brainwashed.

[maksmomma]

I think your ad is a good idea. But maybe I'm the only one, but I think models are NASTY!! They have NO BOOBS, NO ASS, they look like "LITTLE BOYS!" I'm sorry I'm not jealous! I have big booobs, I have hips, and an ass...and damn proud of it!! I hope my daughter can look at them and know she looks better, becuase she's real...she's a woman!