Monday Confessional...On, Er, Wednesday

Two birds. One stone.

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I lost my temper on the road trip and was reprimanded by my four year old.

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Guess what really doesn't mix? Labor Day, Highway 5, and Me. A drive that normally takes seven hours took TEN. Eight of which were filled with a heated interrogation from the backseat (Where are we now? When will we be there? Will it be dark when we get home? How much longer? If we're traveling at 80 miles an hour heading west and a train is traveling 70 miles an hour heading east, who will eat more Skittles? ANSWER: Me!)

So, along this incredibly bleak stretch of highway are shining beacons of hope and light. Call them a place of Road Trip Worship.

The Starbucks.

A five dollar coffee has never seemed so reasonable as it does when it's sandwiched between Nothing and Nowhere. (Plus, those little biscottis with the nuts in them? They're just begging to be dipped while speeding down the freeway, no?)

Additionally, all the Starbucks are drive-thrus and I always have the most pleasant gay person on earth helping me. Bonus!

So, I've established that the three little Starbucks are what lead me through the "Valley of Death By Countless Games of I Spy".

After being on the road for seven hours, and sitting in traffic for two of those, I reach the final Starbucks. The final coffee to carry me through the rest of my journey. Well, this being Labor Day, there are about eleventeen bajillion people in various stages of entering, exiting, stretching, wandering, bathrooming, eating, exposing their muffin tops (Seriously ladies. If you're wider than you are tall, high waisted pants were made JUST FOR YOU.).

There's a few cars in line at the drive-thru. The line is perpendicular to the parking lot aisles. I start driving up an aisle to get into the line. I notice that another car is driving up the next aisle alongside me, further from the line. I slow down and let her get in line ahead of me. This, however, now makes her car directly in front of mine, at the end of my aisle. We're at a T, with me being the leg of the T and her being the top of the T in line. Got it?

Okay. So, I put on my blinker even though it's obvious that I'm next in line. Just so there's no confusion. Immediately, a little car with a couple in it pull up behind her and don't even look my way. As she starts to pull forward in line, I start to edge forward and turn into the line behind her. And you know what that couple does? Pulls up to her bumper and WON'T LET ME IN. WON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME.

I HONK MY HORN. I MOUTH "I WAS HERE FIRST WAITING".

MY FRONT BUMPER IS IN THE DRIVER'S WINDOW. HE LOOKS AT ME AND FLIPS. ME. OFF. AND HIS GIRLFRIEND LAUGHS. LAAAAAUGHS.

I HAVE BEEN DRIVING ALL DAY IN 100 DEGREE HEAT WITH A WHINEY CHILD AFTER SPENDING A WEEK IN A HOSPITAL ROOM AND YOU'RE GOING TO CUT ME OFF? FOR A COFFEE?

So, of course, I lay on my horn. Just lay on it. As a matter of fact, I think I just wedged a book against it and took a nap.

They give me no reaction.

Then the line pulls forward. He pulls forward and I pull behind him. And then his girlfriend leans out the window and takes a picture of me scowling! While she continues to laugh.

After they get their drinks from the window, he starts to pull away and then slams on his brakes almost causing me to hit the back of him. Then he flips me off AGAIN and starts to drive off. At which point I look down at the abandoned FULL BLUE SLURPEE that sits in my console. I pick it up. Roll down my window. And am JUST about to throw it at the back of his car when Savannah pipes up.

"What are you doing? Are you going to throw that at their car??!"

I watch their car speed away. I set the slurpee down. "No, of course not, honey."

Which really turned out to be the best decision because what I didn't know at the time is that I would later use the slurpee to coat the bottom of my purse when I knocked it over with my elbow.

Comments

[lou]

i feel your pain. many years of living in la and visiting family in bay area. i have done it without air conditioning and black vinyl seats; done it during roadwork on the grapevine; done it with a child who threw up all over himself & the car after eating apparently tainted chicken nuggets from a wendys along the way. but really, is there anything more enjoyable than the lovely aroma of cows that hits right in the middle of the journey?

[Jay]

Ha! Not laugh at your shitty encounter, but I bet that picture of you ended up on someone else's blog. Just think how much more interesting it would have made their post if you had tossed the Slurpee. Still, I applaud your restraint.

[Virenda]

Reading that makes me BURN with anger. It's times like that when I wish I was as white trash as my mom. "Cause then I'd throw down. Don't under estimate a mom on a long car drive....Seriously.

[jennster]

karma. they'll get theirs. good and hard. FUCKERS

[Melissa]

WHat a bunch of assholes. Dam them.

[Janet]

Those nasty little jerkoffs will most definitely get rammed up the ass by another mad driver...Hopefully, that reaming will be hard enough for you to get your vengence...Karmacally speaking!

All hail Starbucks.

[katelynn's mama]

Oh my. I wanted to throw the slurpee and I wasn't even there. Way to go with the control. I'm afraid I would of gone ahead done it and spent the next hour trying to explain to my daughter why it was okay just this one time. What jerks.

[Fruitful Spririt]

You don't think we will see your picture on a blog somewhere with a different story to this story do you? I will have to search for scowling lady at starbucks and see what happens! You should have thrown the slurpee and then explained why we don't get upset and do those things! I do feel for you! Hope they had to hit brakes down the road and got to wear the drink they had!

[Kris H.]

You are a better Mom than me! I SO would have thrown the slurpee!! Wouldn't have been able to stop myself... :)

[Amy]

You know what this reminds me of? When a group of little shits at a stupid concert called me an "Old Fat Bitch" and "What are you, like, 40?" First, I'm 24... Second, I don't think I look old (not that 40 is old) OR fat...I still wanted to cream them, but didn't want to run the risk of going to jail. Also, my teenage sister would have been mortified.

At what point do you stop BEING the teenager making fun of adults and start being the adults that are made fun of??

Sometimes, it's just worth it to know you're the better person, right? Right?

[Caryn]

I would be SO PISSED. In fact, I'm completely pissed on your behalf. My heart is racing in rage, and my toes are clenched. Just in empathy. What a complete jerk. He probably did it to show off for his girlfriend. At least if she found it funny, then she is his revenge, because someday he'll probably be on the receiving end of that mocking laughter. God. I'd be tempted to take his license plate number and call the cops on him--tell them he was swerving or went through a light or something. Say you saw him throw a beer can out the window and get them to stop him to do a drunk driving test. Something lovely and vengeful.

I do admit, though, that your last paragraph made me laugh out loud. Such cheerful phrasing contrasted nicely with the crappy news that your purse had been coated in slurpee.

[kristin]

i have total road rage on your behalf.

[mothergoosemouse]

Nuh-UH. She took a fucking PICTURE of you? Dude, I'm about to let fly with the c-word, and I don't use that except in extremely extreme circumstances.

You showed unbelievable restraint. Really, I don't know how you let that pass. You set a much better example as a mom than I do.

[Teresa M.]

Oooooo I want to throw my Pepsi at him, take his girlfriends camera and take a pic of HER while I'm pushing her down a flight of stairs.
Geeze! But Girly-Girl, you get the big cake for NOT doing that! You showed your daughter a powerful example. I'm impressed. I also am laughing till I tear up - it's so true it's funny- so funny it's true.

[mj]

I wonder how many Starbucks drive-thrus have created road rage? Should someone be keeping stats on this?
I appreciate your listening to your inner voice (aka the small child appendage). I too wonder if I would have shown the same restraint -- especially since we're talking a FULL slurpee.
I've tried the laying on of the horn, which I too have found does little to change the hearts of the little beasties who feel this world is theirs alone.
You're a great storyteller/comedian. I'm enjoying you're confessionals, er . . . misery . . . no, I mean your life journey. Okay, what I really want to know is . . . did you have to throw the purse away?

[Heather B.]

God, I'm finding all sorts of reasons not to have children lately. Another one being that I could never control my temper like that and I would have not only flipped that asshat off but then thrown a slurpee and anything else nearby at his car.

Savannah is obviously far more mature than I am. Ahem.

[Tara]

I think my pulse went off the charts while I read that. Holy crap, I don't know HOW you managed to NOT throw the slurpee. I know it was the right decision, since Savannah was in the car taking it all in. But damn, honey, if it were me, I think the slurpee would have been thrown, and then it would have been ON.

People like that suck ass. Totally. Bravo for handling the situation much, much better than I ever could.

[islaygirl]

i feel your pain.

and i totally would have thrown the slurpee.

here's my strabucks-drive-thru-bad-merge experience. http://islaygirl.livejournal.com/22004.html

[Darth Putas]

I get in trouble all the time for my road rage. And I have no kids to remind me of life's lessons. I just let er rip

[Lena R./ Asiamommy]

Okay so where is the muffin top picture from?

[Shrinkingmom]

Normally, I don't say things like this, but "what the hell is wrong with people?!"

I'd say, that would have been justified Slurpee Slinging. You would have been exonerated in a court of law.

[Vycki]

Since having my son I now just embrace the inner bitch and call the state police to report the incident of aggressive driving. I know that they aren't going to do anything (if they don't see it it didn't happen) but it makes me feel better. I can then envision them being pulled over and given the third degree by a cranky cop with a bad attitude. And its like a grown up response (rare for me) so you can avoid those messy questions from the little ones.

[Lena]

I totally contemplated reporting them to police, but I questioned myself. If I had had 25 of you guys in the car, it would've been solved. Easily.

As for the purse, it's an LV bag. I...can't...even...talk about it.

[islaygirl]

get the purse to the dry cleaner, pronto. they can work wonders.

[Candace]

Do have to say you have a lot more restraint than I do... I haven't even had my son yet, but I have a stepson so I know what it is like to have a child going on and on about when are we getting there. Plus for some odd reason my two younger teenage sisters seem to think it is hilarious to do that as well which is just a whole other problem. After being in a car with the three of them and something like that happening even if my husband is in the car I would have thrown the slurpee. Of course at the same time I think he would have been throwing something along with me. Normally I am a calm person and I am telling him not to do something like that, but I know I would have if it was me.

I do have to say that the part about the purse really does suck. I hope that you have a back up one that is just as nice until you can do something with that one or get a new one.

Also I do have to say congrats that you did have that restraint with your daughter in the car because like I said my husband and myself both wouldn't have even with a 2, 13 and 16 year old in the car with us.