Bee

Deeeeeeeeeeeepressssssssssssssssssingggggggggggggggg.

Hasn't my blog just been one ball of joy lately? Well, that pretty much sums up how it has been around here.

My aunt Becky died on Friday, September 8.

I have her cheeks. I have her humor. My daughter has her fingernails. I can still see her laugh and hear her voice and feel her hug.

And I wonder, for how long? Will I ever forget? Will I remember enough to let my daughter know what an amazing person we have lost in our family? To recall the details of her jokes? The effect of her presence in a room? In my life?

Will I recall how she let me come over while I struggled with PPD just so I could cry and stuff her chicken salad sandwiches down my face? Will I remember to tell Savannah that when I didn't know what to do with her while she screamed, Aunt Becky would pull her around the house on a bedsheet making her laugh hysterically? And making me sob with joy?

Will I remember to tell her that Aunt Becky was the funniest person on the face of the earth?

That she called me "Splick"?

That her singing voice made me cry?

That she made me proud of my hair when I hated it?

That her relationship with her son made me want to be the mother of a son?

That she put grapes in her chicken salad?

That she let me harrass her into buying me a Disney phone when I was six?

That she dressed like a bee for a costume party by wrapping yellow electrical tape around her black leotard? And then did the same thing to her toddler?

That when she babysat me she let me stay up past midnight and confided that she loved me like I was her own?

That she made me feel like I wasn't the black sheep of the family?

That she made me feel special? That she made me feel beautiful? That she made me feel accomplished?

Can I possibly express with words how much I will miss her?

~~~~~~

This was one of her last emails to me:

"...Here is a cute joke to tell Savannah......you ask will you remember me tomorrow?  Will you remember me in a week?  Will you remember me in a year?  She will say yes to them all.  Then say knock, knock and she will say who's there and you say YOU ALREADY FORGOT ME!

Love,

B"

~~~~~~

I love you Auntie Becky. And I will never forget you.

Comments

[Vycki]

I'm really sorry for your loss. Hugs.

[Kari]

Many hugs.
Great tribute.
She sounds like a wonderful woman.

[Danielle]

I am a lurker...now de-lurking for this post....it brought tears to my eyes...thank you for such a deep, thouhtful post. She sounds like a great woman. Sorry for your loss.

[Mir]

What a gift to have such love in your life. I'm sorry she was taken from you too soon.

[Sonja]

Hugs!!!

[mamatulip]

I'm so sorry.

My mom died before my children were born and I was understandably devastated that she never got to meet them and that they'd never know her. I decided to put together a scrapbook/photo album of pictures of her throughout her life, so they could see her different styles, looks, haircuts, fashion trends...so they could see *her*, over the years. I have all the photos ready and the album but haven't done it yet -- but I will, because Julia's old enough to be asking questions now and I have to keep my mom's memory alive.

It might be nice to make an album of pictures of your aunt for your daughter to look through.

[Virenda]

That is so heartbreaking Lena. You made me cry (of course) and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I love that joke and in between smiling there was some sobbing going on.

Sorry sugar.

[Guwi]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lena. Over the last five years, this seems to always be such a difficult time of year for everyone, I'm sure the timing of losing your aunt has made the last week tremendously difficult.

I lost my father a few weeks after 9/11, and that whole fall seemed so dark and never-ending--grief mixed with fear--such a nasty cocktail. It's strange-I remember being less sad about the fact that I lost my Dad right after 9/11, more sad that he had to witness that as he was dying. But I did pull through, as you will, especially with the help of friends and family.

Take care of yourself, and again, I'm very sorry for your loss. Your aunt sounded like a really great person, and you did a lovely job of communicating that.

[Melissa]

I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes, most likely you will always remember her. Great tribute to her.

[erin]

I am sorry for your loss. I too have an aunt Becky who is a force to be reckoned with. You will remember.

[jenny]

God bless you Lena! Cherish your memories and know that others share your grief. You are SO BLESSED to have had almost 30 years with your "B".
ps- My 84 year old grandma puts grapes in her chicken salad and IT ROCKS!!

[JenniferB]

I think it is really wonderful that you have had the love of such a remarkable sounding person in your life. I am sure you will be able to hang on to those memories forever, and as you so eloquently shared brief glimpses of her with us, you will be able to share even more with your own beloved daughter. I hope your heart feels the caring support out here for you and your family.

[Amy]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lena. How wonderful to have such a great relationship with your aunt. I'll bet Savannah will have the very best memories of time spent with her.

I like that there's a "Scotties Tissue" banner on the left of your page---totally appropriate.

Please take care and keep writing as much as possible. it makes my day.

[Janet]

I'm so sorry Lena.
I know how you feel, losing someone who means so much. She will be in your heart forever...you will never be able to forget her. She won't let you.
Hugs to you honey.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lena. What beautiful memories you have of your aunt. She sounds like a wonderful lady.

I just lost my father in law a couple of weeks ago. He was only 73 and such a good, kind man. I believe that he and your aunt have both gone on to something much better. I think they know that we love and miss them and I think their love for us continues on even though they are gone.

[Arwen]

I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman.

[Y]

That was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't wait to hug you.

xo

[Teri M.]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you did a wonderful job of expressing your feelings for your aunt.

[Nancy]

So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you find some comfort in your wonderful memories.

[Teresa M.]

My most sincere and gentle condolences for your loss. I can literally feel the love and admiration you have for her in this posting. I don't think you will EVER forget nor will you ever have trouble sharing your memories w/your daughter....this post just proves it. Just reading this, I love "Aunt Becky" too - she sounds like soooo much fun and joy all wrapped up in comfort. Keep on smiling w/her cheeks, keep on laughing w/her humor and put grapes in your chicken salad....and never, ever stop talking about her. ((hugs)) to you my friend...lots and lots of ((hugs))

[Kim]

I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt, Lena. The way you described her, she sounds like a really special individual. How lucky you were to have her in your life.

[mj]

I am so sorry for your loss! Just want to say that I will be praying for you and your family. What a joy Aunt Becky was and still is, since all the good stuff you love about her is still very alive and kept safe in you, Savannah, and in God. Thank you for sharing about the great treasure that is your love for her.

[Jay]

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your Aunt. We've all got to go sometime, and despite whatever circumstances surrounded her death, she was one of the lucky ones to leave this world so very loved.

[mothergoosemouse]

Lena, I'm so sorry. You've got me thinking about an aunt of mine whom I adore. Thanks for reminding me to call her and tell her how much I love her.

Wishing you and yours peace and comfort.

[Karen]

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, Lena. That was a very nice tribute. She sounds like she was such a fun aunt.