Savannah,
You are four years and ten months old today. You woke up this morning as you do every morning: looking for your daddy. Your day cannot start until you've asked him if you can hold him. If it were up to you your day would consist of nothing more than you, daddy, a ball, and the park. With me perhaps making an occasional visit to deliver food.
If you can't find daddy in the mornings, you'll settle for me and show up next to me at my desk saying "hold you". Memes in one hand, thumb in your mouth.
I cannot get my brain around the fact that you're going to be five years old in just a few more weeks. Five years of watching you blossom and grow into the amazingly gentle person that you are.
And funny! You have my a great sense of humor! The other day you told Daddy "I'm happy that I'm not Spanish because I wouldn't be able to understand myself".
You're really into being healthy now. You want to know if what you're eating is "junk food" or healthy to make you "run fast". You were sick this month and had a temperature of 104. Mommy and daddy were panicked and you calmly advised us that you'd be fine - you just needed "broccoli".
You're obsessed with words. You want to read so badly. But, alas, you are blessed with your mother's short fuse and impatience. You like to sound out the words exactly twice. After that, you'd prefer the book to be burned rather than try a third time. Once you grasp a word though and are able to identify it, you are absolutely thrilled. You recognize that reading will open up a whole new world for you that I cannot wait for you to enter.
You learned to snap your fingers this month. The first time you snapped, after weeks of practicing, you walked all over the house snapping in wonderment. Then you came up to me and asked "Mom, shouldn't we call someone and tell them?" like we always have with every big achievement in your little life. No matter where we are (in the middle of a movie theatre) or what we're doing (trying to balance my checkbook) you interrupt to ask "Can you hear that mom? Yeah. That's me snapping". You're something more than proud of this achievement. You feel cool.
I feel sad that you've become interested in "being cool". I know what comes along with this: the sting of not being cool. You go out of your way to include yourself with the older girls around us, trying to dress like they dress and talk like they talk. You want to grow up so quickly - you're constantly asking me when you'll be their age. You refuse to believe that they will always be older than you. With a little effort, you know you can catch up.
You love nothing more than feeling helpful. You look for every opportunity to find something daddy or I have lost or to surprise us with a chore you've done without being asked. You rush to help daddy "move the lawn" with his "lawnmover". You offer to accompany me on errands so I "won't be lonely".
You're an artist. Your day isn't complete until you've drawn a picture of yourself and someone you love. You're always sure to include their favorite things: your friends always have their toys, mommy always has her coffee, daddy always has his dog.
I love to hear you play with your dolls. I hear you mimic my voice, my irritation, my laugh, my endearments. Hearing my parenting mirrored back through your perception is something I've feared. But, I love it now. I love hearing you put them to bed, shoosh them, cover them with their blankets, push their stroller. I catch a glimpse of you as a mother. And it is breathtaking.
You are opinionated and dramatic. You won't hesitate to cry and yell and slam your bedroom door and insist "you don't understand what I'm saying!". You are intent on communicating your displeasure. While this can be (very) exhausting for us, I take pleasure in knowing my daughter will never take anything lying down.
You're a fighter.
You're an artist.
You're a lovebug.
You're gentle.
You're beautiful.
Hold you?
Love,
Mommy
Besides the fact that your photographs are beautiful this letter is amazing, as usual. Savannah is a VERY lucky girl to have a mother that loves her as much as you do and takes the time to write it out. One day she will have these to hold and look back and she too can smile.
If you make me cry again I'm going to hurt you.
Posted by: Virenda | 08/14/2006 at 04:43 PM
I love your letters to your baby girl. They are so wonderful. Thanks again for sharing.
Posted by: bobealia | 08/14/2006 at 05:02 PM
Very good work indeed. It's great news for the world that Savannah has her mother's tenacious spirit.
Posted by: Jay | 08/14/2006 at 05:04 PM
Beautiful post and beautiful pictures. The being cool thing gets to me too. I wonder how they think it matters at 4?
Posted by: Melissa | 08/14/2006 at 05:27 PM
That was so, so sweet. And the pictures are fantastic!
Posted by: Karen | 08/14/2006 at 05:28 PM
beautiful!!!!! love you! love her! love that she wouldn't be able to understand herself.. lmfao!
Posted by: jennster | 08/14/2006 at 05:33 PM
This is one of the most beautiful things I've read in a long time - very nice. Great pictures too.
To comment beyond that wouldn't do it justice anyway - when you write with your heart like that - that's all you need.
I need a tissue now cause ALL of that got me right in my heart....
Posted by: Teresa M. | 08/14/2006 at 06:18 PM
You are both so gorgeous.
Thank goodness I wear waterproof mascara.
Posted by: Teri M. | 08/14/2006 at 06:22 PM
Wow. I don't know which I like better...your moving words or the amazing pictures.
she's so dang beautiful.
Posted by: Jenny | 08/14/2006 at 07:12 PM
What a lovely letter. And the photos are precious.
You inspire me to want to do this for my kids.
Posted by: Kim | 08/14/2006 at 07:38 PM
What an incredible child you have. And she's got a pretty great mommy.
Posted by: Michelle | 08/14/2006 at 08:41 PM
Beautiful, just like your other monthly posts have been. I especially loved the story of her wanting you to call someone because she learned to snap--you didn't mention, though, if you called anyone, and who you called. I'm curious!
Posted by: Caryn | 08/14/2006 at 09:10 PM
Your last post made me laugh so hard there MAY have been a nasal/cheerio mishap and today you made me cry. I look at you like you look at her and you continually amaze me.
Posted by: Smom | 08/15/2006 at 12:45 AM
(sniff) Hard to see through my teary eyes (sniff)
That was utterly beautiful - beautiful sentiments, beautiful writing, beautiful people.
Posted by: Auntie Ania | 08/15/2006 at 01:35 AM
Savannah sounds like a fantastic little person. I know she wants to be cool, so if she ever wants to hang out with me--cause obviously, I'm cool--she is welcome.
Posted by: R. Robyn | 08/15/2006 at 02:14 AM
Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle......
They grow up entirely too fast.
Sniff, sniff.....
Posted by: Amanda | 08/15/2006 at 08:08 AM
This was so amazing to read. I loved the photos and the sentiments to your wonderful Savannah.
My son learned how to snap a few months ago too and had the same reaction.
Reading this made me want to drop work, drive to camp and give my 5 year old a big hug.
Posted by: Sunshine Scribe | 08/15/2006 at 10:28 AM
Savannah is so beautiful, as was your post. (trying not to cry now)
Every time my 15-month-old son figures out something new, he looks at us with a big grin and starts clapping. 'Cause that's what we do. (wait 'til he starts talking and can tell himself, "What a big boy!!")
Posted by: Tara | 08/15/2006 at 11:30 AM
I think it is so great you write these. What a treasure they will be to her one day. You 2 have such a special relationship. I know that as a Mom we often think we are so lucky to have our kids, and we ae, but she is also lucky. You are a good Mom, she is a good and beautiful person as a result of her parents. I will be laughing at her "happy I'm not spanish..." comment for days. And what a sweet daddy's girl... hold you, lol.
Posted by: Linsey | 08/15/2006 at 12:19 PM
I love that line she said about not being Spanish - too funny! Beautiful pics - she's a doll.
Posted by: Katherine | 08/15/2006 at 01:23 PM
Damn Woman, how many times do I hafta come here only to be sent away blubbering like an idiot? Will you please stop making me cry. NO Wait, I take that back. I love the way you write. You always make me laugh and cry. Thank you!
Posted by: Janet | 08/15/2006 at 03:05 PM
Here I am crying at work again. Beautiful photos and letter!!!
Posted by: Courtney | 08/15/2006 at 04:43 PM
That was so beautiful!
What a little blessing you have there..
Take care!
Posted by: Michele | 08/15/2006 at 10:42 PM
Your daughter is blessed to have such a wonderful mother. And you are blessed with a growing daughter. Very sweet words for your girl to read one day!
Posted by: Debbie | 08/17/2006 at 08:04 AM
Wow. That was SO beautiful!
I haven't been reading you for very long, but am already totally addicted!
This was the best yet :)
~Lisa~
Posted by: Lisa | 08/17/2006 at 12:59 PM