Fancy Moses, I'm allergic to sun.
I can't wait to see my next allergy. Wind? Oxygen? Love?
If we were part of the Animal Kingdom you would sniff me out and avoid me. I'm the wounded weak one. The one that brings down the whole herd.
If I lived 100 years ago I'd be the girl who gets smallpox, then polio, and then dies during childbirth. ("Tragic child. She really was doomed at the start, what with her frailities. Yes, it's best.")
I had my physical yesterday (small round of applause). Yes, thank you. It really was a feat considering I'm at Dr. Google's offices at least once a week freaking myself the hell out. Do you know that they call a female physical a "Well Woman" now? I can only assume this stands for 'Well, woman. What do you have to say for yourself? You haven't been here in two years!"
Guess which made me the most uncomfortable during my visit:
a)The doctor flirting with the pharmaceutical rep outside my door for a good fifteen minutes before entering
b)The nurse calling me 'girlfriend'
c)This interaction during my breast exam - Me:"I have breast implants" Doctor: "You sure do!" *
d)The doctor sighing, squirming and finally kicking the stool out from under himself before snapping "Has anyone told you you have a very high cervix?"
e)All of the above
If you guessed e, as in "Eeeeeeeee that speculum is cold!" you're right.
I also learned that in addition to having a knack for giving myself ulcers worrying about...(wait for it)...my health!...I also am allergic to sun. Which explains why my face looks like this after the slightest slice of sunlight touches it. Wouldn't it be funny if I was kidding?
This is quite an inconvenient development because, you know THE SUN IS IN THE SKY AND I LIVE ON THE EARTH.
Stay tuned for my new blog: Livin'ItUpInABubble.com.
*I swear to a closet full of Manolos this happened.